Life Happens

I'm up way too early on a Saturday as usual. And I'm working. As usual. But, my reports pretty much run themselves and I'm not terribly productive or proactive at 6am. I've played all my lives on Candy Crush, read through my newsfeed - more than once. I thought about doing the dishes. No really, I did. Then I realized there was no getting my butt out of this chair except to get more coffee, and that cup is full. I started reading through my old bookmarked blogs. I love The Bloggess, she's really awesome but if you're easily offended skip it. I stop there every morning and part of my routine. There are others too but that's where I started this morning. I started going back through my old Blog Favorites folder and realized that most of them are gone! It's been a while since I've looked at some of them (last post in 2011? Really? Huh.) but I was kind of sad to find them not waiting for my return.
It got me thinking about my own blog here. Honestly I've kind of let it slip. While it was never something I wanted to make a living from, it was a much needed extension of my mental health. Whoa does that explain a lot. For a lot of it I've not shared things that are just too personal. While I admire those bloggers that I read that are sharing their crippling depression and new found love for Xanax (I don't judge. Been there. Amen to modern pharmaceuticals and their ability to return life when it's been sucked through your eyeballs) I'm not there. I have been and so I get it. Sometimes it's just me, and the overwhelming life that comes from having five kids, a gigantic dog, and an ailing father. I don't want to listen to myself whine, why the hell would the other two people that read this thing care?
There is joy, too. The amazing feeling of completeness that my children bring. Because, along with the fact that they make me bat-shit crazy, I love my children like nothing else! I would sacrifice anything for them and their happiness. Sometimes there are just so damn many of them. What falls short is the ability to share and analyze all that they make me feel. The moments are so precious. Even the ones that have me screaming like a crazy person. I am always learning and growing as a parent and as a person. This shit is hard, yo! Maybe I should share more of that. We are not alone in this, even though it often feels that way.
I'm a little scattered, too. I have grand plans and, sometimes, very little follow-through. It's not from a place of malice, or irresponsibility. It's a creative side that has yet to be adequately tapped. It's needing something to call my own in the midst of the chaos that is my life, it's a desire to take on everything and having to let the things with lesser importance drop. It's part of who I am. Love it or hate it, it's something that just has to be dealt with. Honestly I'm a little a LOT self conscious about it and am hesitant to get too excited about any one thing on the highly likely chance that my life will take over my passion. It happens. And often.
My point? Oh hell, who knows? I am ever evolving, and I hope that my blog is showing that. At least to some degree. This is really for my recollection. That is what I need to remember most of all. There will be a time when I will look back and this can be a reminder of how the kids were, how I was, how my family was. That is what I need to remember when deciding to (or not) share something. I need to make the time to keep this up (I know I've said it before) if for no other reason than prosperity's sake.
Oh look, my coffee cup is empty...

The New Normal

Well, the older girls are officially back in school and the chaos has begun! With three kids in school balancing everything gets pretty tricky as it is. Add two toddlers into the mix and it's a little more challenging. Plus the fact that we're dealing with two different schools. Oh, and four different activities for the three kids. Like I said, chaos.
Krystyne made varsity cheer this year. We're really excited for her. She's wanted to be a cheerleader since she was little. I'm glad that she's able to make this a part of her senior year. For her this means practice every day after school until 5:30. Once football games start she'll be at all of the home games, a couple of away games and who knows what else. She's got fundraisers and practices and all kinds of other things.
Allie is back in marching band this year. She practices three times a week until 5, and again, once football season starts that's where you'll find her, too.  At least that puts her and Krystyne in the same spot! But marching band for Allie means Boosters for me and Doug. I'm the Booster Treasurer this year and that's a pretty time consuming deal on its own.  Soon we'll start with tournaments most Saturdays and figuring out how to make all that work out. With the little girls getting bigger it will be harder to have them in tow for these things.
Jane is in middle school this year. She's started in band as well. Thankfully no marching! But, there are parent meetings and performances to go to. She also joined the California Cadet Corps. It's a JROTC type program.  Since she has a plan to join the military after high school this will be good for her. Plus it gives her more of the structure that she needs. It's another thing that will mean finding space and juggling already crazy schedules. But if she's enjoying it, it is definitely worth it.  She also attends the after school program every day until 5:45. It's just an activities program put on by the YMCA, but it gives them homework time and organized activities that keep them busy after school. She can walk home most days (when the weather is something closer to reasonable) and it saves me a trip. I'm really excited for this year for her. She's got a lot on her plate but I think she'll do really well. 
This whole thing leaves me and the little girls to our own devices until at least 5, three days a week. Tuesdays and Fridays Allie gets home around 3 so I need to figure out how to adjust my own schedule accordingly. Once football season really starts we'll be at the games on Friday nights.  If I can figure out a schedule during the day for me and the little girls I think things will go more smoothly.  I'm thinking park trips in the morning and working after lunch while they nap (once the weather breaks to under 100!). I've been getting little spurts of stuff done. Nothing that is a major accomplishment, but lots of little things. That's most of my days anyway, so at least I feel like I'm making progress.

Blended but Not Quite Smooth

Having a blended family is not what one would call easy.  Most of the time things run without a hitch.  Then there are the other times.
When Doug and I got together and decided that we wanted to make this thing permanent we did so with eyes wide... squinted, really.  A new relationship always comes with its own baggage. We both did. Having been married before we came together with a lot of our own issues. We both spent time making the other pay for sins that weren't theirs and through trial, error, and a whole lot of miscommunication managed to get past it.  I am not She and he is not Him and we've managed to go down that road fairly smoothly.  A decade or so worth of conditioned responses did not always have the outcome that was expected. We learned and we grew and our relationship is stronger for it. 
The biggest difference we had was children.  I came into this with three children and 12 years of parenting experience behind me. Being young, and for a good portion of the stretch, on my own, I had done things a certain way without interference.  Mine was a tightly run ship with no margin for error.  It was my way or the Gypsies - you pick.  I learned quickly as a single mother that there was no room for complacency.  In two parent households you can run the good cop/bad cop in a somewhat alternating fashion without running into a loss of control.  When there is only one cop the game changes and you must be one all of the time or risk a reign of chaos you can not get a handle on.  A common saying became "What I say, when I say it, the way I say it". Without such strict order all could  be lost. Let's face it, I was (and still am) outnumbered.  This was met with a mix of shock and awe. I got comments that ranged from "I'm amazed at your strength - good job. Glad you're not my mom!" to "Your parenting makes us uncomfortable, do you think you're too hard?".  Most days I am secure in my parenting choices. I only need to watch my children in any public or social situation to know I did the right thing. Bad behavior was punished swiftly and fiercely, and the results are evident.  Other days I am wracked with Mommy-Guilt. 
In walks this man willing to step in and step up without qualms of taking on three children not of his making.  He quietly and unceremoniously steps in to help lighten the load. I warned him. I tried to disillusion him to the joys of this family that he was about to make and I was met with a patience that I hadn't known existed. Mine was a world of chaos and he sought to bring order and balance to the control I had such a tenuous death-grip on.  And ever so slightly, I let go. Sort of.
We made Mine into Ours and then added two more little humans into the mix. I'd like to say it all runs smoothly. I'd give my new boobs to be able to say that we have become this cohesive unit that runs as if it was always this way, but it's not.  When I started dating again I refused to date men with children. All of the reasons, all of the fears, and all of the struggles I was unwilling to deal with are  becoming a reality in my own home. It took five years for these to be vocalized to me. I am at a loss. 
The biggest problem we are running into is a disparity in the way the older girls respond to us. They often will ask who they think will give the best answer. Can I go, can I have, is not asked of who is more convenient or available. This is something that all parents deal with. I did it as a teenager. I know Doug did, too. But there is a wound there that will not allow this explanation to be a salve.
Then there is the attitude. First, let me say, these are teenage GIRLS! Attitude is everything. And without it I'm pretty sure there would be a irreparable rift in the universe that would cause the earth to implode. The vacuum created by the lack of exaggerated sighs alone could cause satellites to suddenly fall from their orbits. Unfortunately the issues lies in the girls giving Doug an attitude that they would never dream of giving me.  But without the 12 years of previous dictatorship under his belt it's difficult to be on a level playing field.  I'm sure it's the same attitude that teachers, coaches, and other authority figures get.  But detention, benching, or privilege-revoking are not the deterrents that a lifetime of ingrained obedience is. I believe their response to me vs other authority figures is muscle memory.  In the same way I may learn to be fluent in another language, at this point in my life I  will never learn to think in Icelandic. I will always think in English first and respond in Icelandic in a probably less than ideal way. This is how the girls respond with Doug. This isn't fair. But I don't know how to change it. I struggle - we struggle. 
I am not without my own fault in this. I tend to step in when I shouldn't.  I make decisions without consulting and just generally take over when I really should step back. I know this is not a struggle I make alone. I'm sure this is a commonality everyone with a blended family wishes we didn't share.  All I can do is try to be conscious of this and do the best I can to make it easier on all of us.
I hope my husband can continue to be patient with me. I hope my children listen when I try to explain this to them.  One way or another, it will all work out. I only hope it's for the best. 

From Baby Booties to Yellow Footprints

Monday was a big day. Krystyne decided that she would enlist in the United States Marine Corps. To say we couldn't be more proud of her doesn't seem like enough.
She took her ASVAB (Armed Services Vocational Aptitude Battery) last month and got her scores back a couple of weeks ago. She did pretty well. I've always talked to the girls about joining the military. I am not a big believer in parents paying for college. It's great if you can, but I think a higher education is a privilege.  If you want to go to college you're going to have to work for it. I've always stressed to my girls that if they want to go to college their best option was to join the military. If they join they go to school for "free". Yes, they have to work. Yes, they could potentially be put in some less than safe/ideal situations. But, the military will pay for your education as long as you are enlisted. I've explained that I would not be able or willing to pay for their college education. So, better to put on a uniform they can be proud of, go to work, and get your school paid for. It's either that or put on a McDonald's uniform, go to work, and hope you can pay for school. Even if they don't want to go to college join anyway. No one else is going to provide you with a job and  food and a place to live. It's a good option kid, and unless you can come up with something better ...
So after taking her ASVAB and getting the scores back we took a trip to the recruiters' office. We had talked about it for a long time and there really wasn't any preference from one branch to the other. Monday the Army guys had PT (physical training); we talked to the Navy who said that they couldn't do anything until she was officially a senior. That left the Marine Corps. We went in and talked to the nice Staff Sargent there. She laid it all out for Krystyne. She basically explained all that she would be getting out of her service. Not only money for school, but pride in herself and personal accomplishment. She showed her the money - which isn't much - but when you're looking at that or minimum wage at McDonald's and living at home it seems like the damn lotto!  I was impressed with the questions Krystyne asked and the answers she gave to questions asked of her. She had real reasons that at some point she had been thinking about. Her "future" was not just some magical-mystical thing that we we always bothering her about, it had become something she was actively thinking about and really figuring out what that was going to look like.
When the recruiter asked her if she was willing to make the commitment to the Marine Corps I held my breath. I wasn't expecting a solid answer. She's 17. But when she said "Yes, I do" I had to contain myself and not cry (and I didn't - yay me!). That was one of those defining life moments. The ones you can point at and say "My Life Changed In" kind of moments. That was the most adult decision she has ever made. And I am PROUD! The best part is she is proud of herself.
In two weeks she leaves for her medical processing. Two days spent seeing every kind of doctor there is to make sure she is fit for military service. I'm scared to death. I think this will be my normal state from here on out - the new hum in the background. Your children growing up and moving out is always going to happen. You know it. You live with it and sometimes look forward to it. But now there is a looming date; or there will be soon.
In just over a year I will be putting my little girl on a plane and I will get back a Marine. She will stand on the yellow footprints of Parris Island, SC and finish the transition from child to adult - she will begin the transition from civilian to Marine.
DEAR LORD!
I have started my research. It's what I do when faced with any unknown. I read. I look up. I read some more. I look at books, and blogs, and chats, and message boards. I talk to everyone I can think of or find. This is the most unknown for me. When I send her off I will not be able to go with her. I will not be there to help her and offer her strength that she will need more than any time in her life. So from now until then I have to give her all that I can. I have to arm her with the most information I can cram in her pretty little head. I have to help strengthen her body. I have to tell her, show her and remind her every day that no matter what I will be there in her heart. I have to stop friggin' crying every time I think about this. I downloaded the Family Guide to Parris Island. It's an 11 page PDF that is a very basic walk through of what they should expect and what we, as parents, should and should not do. I cried through the whole thing. I looked up the books they suggest and will be ordering them. And I cried sitting on Amazon thinking of the books about Marine life that I will be ordering for my daughter. I sit here writing this and I have had to stop to wipe tears at least a dozen times.
I will keep this updated with what's going on in this amazing journey as I see it and work through it.
One day soon I will be able to stand proud and say "I raised a United States Marine". Today I stand proud and say I am raising Krystyne.

Long Time No See

I can't believe how long it's been since I've been here. It seems that life has gotten in the way of writing about life.
We've settled into the new house - sort of. I still need to get pictures on the walls and the kitchen (more) organized but for the most part we're settled.
The girls are doing fantastic. They keep me running most days. But I love it .
Recently the older girls and I took a trip to Las Vegas to visit with my friend Daniel. It was a much needed vacation and break from routine. During dinner we had a great conversation about life and what we're doing and where we're going. What our goals are and what we're dreaming about. I mentioned something about getting a "real job" once Fiona and Georgiana are school age. We talked about what ideas I have and what I want to do. Honestly it's not really all that amazing. There's no real life-dream thing that I want to do. I felt foolish at 35 still having the "I-don't-know-what-I-want-to-do-with-my-life" conversation.  I love this blog (not that you can tell from the amount I post or anything) and I'd love to take up photography with some kind of seriousness. Baking has always been something I enjoyed and we once toyed with the idea of owning a bakery. But, for the most part, I don't have much of a Bucket List. (My Lord I'm boring!)
This conversation was something that really bothered me. I percolated in my brain for the rest of the night and well into the next day.  The thought that came back time and time again was "I have all I want". But there has to be more... Doesn't there? The more I thought about it the more I realized that no, what I have and where I am is enough. I have FIVE beautiful, healthy, and fun kids. Five. I have a husband that adores me. Even when  he shouldn't - let's be honest, I'm kind of a pain in the ass. I have a house I love (with a pool!), enough money to manage, a running vehicle, food on the table, clothes in the closet. I am able to give my kids what they need - love, attention, discipline, full bellies. I am content.
When I was growing up things were not ideal. My parents all had issues that didn't leave much room for me. At times I'm angry. At times I'm resigned. For the most part I've come to understand that my parents are human and even though I had to suffer through their mistakes it was no fault of mine. I knew early on that I did not want to make the same mistakes with my children that were made with me and I feel like I've done a pretty good job on that. Not that I haven't made mistakes. I'm far from perfect, but I feel like I've done my absolute best with my children. And the older I get and the more experience as a mother I have the better I feel about what I'm doing.
My point in this is that I had the realization that I AM doing what I love.  I am living the dream, so to speak. What I will do when the littlest girls are finally in school and I have the time and attention span for a "real job" when the time comes is still up in the air. I have ideas. I have things that I think I could do for the next 25 years. But the time for decisions is not now. Now I get to enjoy this dream "job" that I have. It's not easy, there's no days off, there's no sick-days and the pay sucks; but they benefits are nothing short of extraordinary!
I am making a point to get back here regularly to update and write and use the part of my brain that this satisfies more often. I miss it.I hope that I haven't lost both of the people that stop by to see what's going on and peek in my virtual medicine cabinet.
Remember to count your blessings and realize that you may be closer to living the dream than you think you are.

Kiss My Brass

I never expected to be a Band Mom.  What I expected even less was LOVING it. So far we've had two football games and the Preview of Champions performance. These kids are awesome!  They work their butts off 3-4 days a week for 2+ hours at a time after school.  They show up on Saturdays, they are at school to practice before they leave for performances. They are running! I was surprised when Allie told me she was running the track during practice.  She comes home exhausted and sore.

I joined the boosters because I wanted to be involved. I attended the meetings, volunteered to coordinate volunteers and talked about fund raising. I volunteered Doug to drive the U-Haul.  I was definitely surprised by how difficult it was for me to get volunteers, but it has only increased my desire to do as much as I can to help these kids out.
I wasn't prepared for the Preview of Champions.  I had seen the band do their field show at the football games. There was another part that I hadn't seen before and I was so, so, SO proud of Allie and all the other kids. It brought me to tears! I felt like a giant dork and Allie laughed at me when I told her.  It's just such an amazing thing to see the hard work your kid has put into something come out so awesome.  After the performance we heard who messed up, who missed a step, Allie forgot where her starting point was... But to me it was beautiful. I was really impressed.  Now let's say for the record that the only instrument I play is my MP3 player. That's about as talented as I am.  I don't know that I even could play anything so this is some pretty cool stuff for me. 
I never knew anyone in band when I was in high school. Maybe that's why this is all so cool to me.  I feel like a kid with a new toy.
I'm finding that being a booster is going to be rather difficult. The fact that not all parents are as interested or involved as we are was a hard pill to swallow.  I don't understand why you wouldn't want to stand in the bleachers and cheer for your kid. How can you not want to be there for every step on that field? I just don't get it.  That means I'll have to work harder and it'll be more difficult to raise the money we need. It's worth it though.  Because these kids are awesome.  Maybe in a couple more years when Allie and I have become real Marching Band Veterans some of the sparkle and awesome will wear off. I sure hope not. 

Flowers for Mama

Sometimes all it takes to make the day what you needed it to be is a toddler with a few "unsupervised" minutes and a mason jar.
"Look Mama, I brought you a flower!"
"Look Mama, here's another flower! That's TWO!"
"Mama, you have to put it in the water"
"Here's another flower Mama. Put it in the water. How many are there? One. Two. Three. Four.  Aren't they beautiful?"

Yes, Fiona. They are beautiful flowers.
"They're ROSES Mama".
They are beautiful roses, Fiona.

Thank you for reminding me how something so simple and beautiful can make my whole day.

---

Fiona's Firtst 100 Words... and then some

Doug and I were just noticing how much Fiona's vocabulary has exploded recently.  I decided that it would be a good idea to start writing down all the words she could say.  As the list grew I wondered if she had a vocabulary of at least 100 words.  Here are the first 100 (plus a few extra) that I could think of with help from Fiona and Krystyne.

 The Basics: The easy stuff.

1. Doug (This was her first word. He's obviously not happy about this one, but she's the only one in the house that doesn't call him Doug. Sometimes she still does but she'll learn as she gets older)
2. Mama
3. Mom
4. Papa
5. Jane
6. Al
7. Sister
8. Krys (We're still working on this one. It's relatively new.)
9. Baba (completely interchangeable with cup)
10. Cup
11. Mine
12. No
13. Cat
14. Dog
15. Fred (pronounced Sed)
16. Hello
17. Hi
18. Bye
19. Baby

Her Body: Learning about herself

20.  Hair
21. Head
22. Eyes
23. Nose
24. Mouth
25. Chin
26. Cheeks
27. Ears
28. Arm
29. Hands
30. Elbow
31. Spot (her word for freckle)
32. Belly Button

Her World: Things that she does, has or wants

33. Brush (This can be either the hair brush or her tooth brush)
34. Shower
35. Diaper
36. Snack
37. Shoes
38. Socks
39. Toys
40. Color (So far her favorite activity)
41. Yuck
42. Gross (Eewww is one, too)
43. Hug
44. Kiss
45. Stairs
46. Happy
47. Car
48. Flower
49. Balloon
50. Up
51. Outside
52. Ball
53. Ouch
54. Coupon (yes, this is my girl!)
55. Wash
56. Soap
57. Clap
58. Book
59. Color
60. Cracker
61. Cake
62. Stuck
63. Help
64. Cereal
65. Coffee (Guess figuring out her parents aren’t hard!)
66. Jump
67. Pat (as in pat on the back or pat the dog, which she does)
68. Hot
69. Talk

Animals: She’s learning about animals and can point to them in her book

70. Frog (pronounced Sog)
71. Fish (pronounced Sish)
72. Duck
73. Chicken
74. Cow (Often followed by moooo! Thanks Carla)
75. Hamster
76. Bear
77. Turtle
78. Elephant
79. Pig
80. Goat
81. Sheep
82. Zebra
83. Mouse
84. Squirrel

Cartoons: Proof we watch way too much TV

85. ‘Toons
86. Calliou
87. Club House
88. Goofy
89. Minnie Mouse
90. Mickey Mouse
91. Daisy
92. Donald
93. Wow-Wow
94. Zaboo
95. Manny

Learning: She loves learning her shapes and gets excited when she recognizes them. Although most things are still Circles. She only knows one color so far and one number.

96. Blue
97. Two
98. Circle
99. Rectangle
100. Oval
101. Star
102. Heart

Small Phrases: Small phrases and sentences that she likes to use

103. Thank you
104. Ready, Set, Go!
105. All Done
106. Good Job
107. I Get You!
108. Awesome! (Usually follows a High Five)

Some things we never leave behind

It's funny to me how sometimes there are things that we expect to leave behind us because we are adults. There insecurities and the sometimes incomplete sense of self that you expect will go away once you "know who you are". As we get older we are able to look back over our lives and see things that were the "end of the universe" to us as children and teenagers, with the clarity of experience, and understand how inconsequential those thoughts/feelings were. In the grand scheme of things the problems of Then are so small in the Now.
Once we have children we watch them go through some of the same situations that we did. While the circumstances are never the same, the situations are. I watch my daughters go through the same struggles that I did as a young girl. While it breaks my heart to see that they are having to fight with these things I know that the experiences are going to make them The Woman She Will Become.
Sometimes though, it doesn't happen like that. I am that Woman.  As we age we are (or at least should be) constantly evolving. We are learning from our experiences and forming new relationships. Our personalities are like a muscle that is constantly exercised. While the same basic shape is there, the abilities are forever changing. Every once in a while though, we are forced to come face to face with the fact that we have not overcome things that we had expected we would or even thought we had.
I had a conversation with Krysty last night that brought this very thing to light. While getting the basics of what was going on was a slow and painstaking process getting to the root of the matter was much simpler. I watched as she looked at me with increasing sense of awe as I was able to put exact words to her feelings. Feelings that she couldn't quite explain herself. "You're feeling like this, and this, and this". "This is a problem here, here and here. What other people don't get is THIS". No, I am not a mind reader. But I am Mom. I come with my own experiences and yes, sometimes those experiences will mirror your own, Kid. I know from experience exactly how you are feeling because I went through that, too. I have the wisdom that comes from living through it and being able to have the hindsight of an adult to look back and understand what is going on with you now. Unfortunately there is nothing that I can do to change it. I can't stop it. Here are some tools, some tricks, and the best words of advice I can offer you but that's all I have.
I hope for now that it is enough. I hope that one day she can look back at this conversation and understand that I am doing the best that I can. Maybe this will stand out as one of my finer moments. A mom can dream, can't she?
In trying to explain the situation to Doug I realized that this is not only something that I Once dealt with, but is something that I Am dealing with. I know that it was difficult for him to understand what she was going through. I know he doesn't understand and doesn't know what to do to help her because he is unable to recognize it or help me while I struggle with the same issue. Intellectually I understand how his brain works and where the discrepancy is in the situation.  It's not that he's  unwilling to help. It's that he does not recognize the problem as I do and sees no need for resolution. There's no need to fix something that isn't broken.  If he does acknowledge the problem there is still little that he can do to help because he lacks the skills necessary to be part of the solution. The old adage holds true here that "If you are not part of the solution you are part of the problem".  This is something that we have struggled with for the entirety of our relationship. For me, it's like having something stuck under your contact lens.
I would've rather hit the corner of something hard with my pinky toe than have had to come to this realization.  Finding yourself racked with the same insecurities as your 15 year old daughter is difficult. Facing those insecurities while struggling with the shortcomings of someone you love sucks.
I went to bed with a head full of questions and problems there seems to be no solution to or chance or resolution for.
It was a long night.

Today was a good day.

Nothing all that exciting happened, but it was a good day. It's spring break and Allie and Jane are off on their visit with Kraig and his family. Doug is out of town doing inventory work in Wenatchee. That leaves Krysty, Fi and me together without any kind of real big agenda. Krysty made it to to about noon before she started with the  "Mom, I'm bored" and really I could use a little something else to do, too. So, we headed out to the mall for a little shopping. Alright, I'll admit it didn't really take much coaxing and it was a fun day. We had lunch together and wandered the mall a bit. While shopping with a teenager is about as exciting as watching paint dry, and a little taxing on the wallet I didn't mind. I managed to get out of there for only a pair of jeans and a couple tank tops.
The soundtrack for the day was mostly gum popping and the sounds of thumbs on a keyboard, but there were laughs in there, too.  Krystyne and I have come to a mutual understanding lately. I'm Mom, she's the Kid and we both have our rolls to play.  She gets that I'm just doing the "mom thing" and that nothing I'm doing is a personal attack. I think the real rebellion has slowly leaked out of her. She's realized that it's easier just to do as I ask and that it isn't really all that much.  I know I'm not out of the proverbial woods with her, but it seems as though we've at the very least entered a clearing.  It seems as though she's realized that I'm a person and that I come with all the limitations that any other person can have. But with that she has also realized that I am not perfect and am not the end all, be all of everything.  I am fallible and have my limitations but am doing the best with what I have been able to scrounge up in expertise and experience over the years. Thankfully that seems to be good enough for her.
I still get gum chewing, exasperation, eye-rolling, attitude, and mood swings. It's hard to believe that we've come to this understanding together. I'm enjoying it while it is here. I am content to have moved from the realm of being the embodiment of embarrassment and festering resentment - due to my tyrannical and completely illogical and unreasonable demands of what is so obviously a perfect child - to being a necessary-(while not entirely) evil until she can unleash her vast superiority and sophistication on the unsuspecting and ill prepared general population.
Lord help us all.
Today I am thankful for this time alone with my teenage daughter. Tomorrow I might not be so lucky. I'm glad I am today.