Bulk Cooking in My Life

So a couple of weeks ago I thought I would take on a pretty big challenge and do some bulk cooking. Honestly, I don't know what the hell I was thinking. I have a tiny, almost useless kitchen, no counter space, and a standard sized refrigerator that's supposed to hold enough food for a family of 8. Where exactly am I going to put all of this that I decided to make? And what possessed me to do this in the first place? Apparently I drink. And heavily.
It started when I made a trip to Sam's Club for some Booster cookies (We were selling cookies and water at a band performance). Since we had finally gotten through the 40lbs of chicken quarters I had bought on my last oh-mah-gawd-look-how-cheap-these-are spree I decided I should pick up "just a few things".
(This is the point I should probably share some background. When I was growing up we were poor. Not just broke, but poor. Like living with family, food boxes, and eventually when I was in high school, we moved to the projects. There were times groceries were scarce. I may have food issues.)
So my "just a few things" turned into a 10lb pork loin, 8lbs of pork chops, 5lbs of flank steak, 20+lbs of boneless, skinless chicken breasts, and some frozen meatballs. I get home and realize I have no idea what the hell I'm going to do with all of this. We've been spending a lot of money on fast-food lately. Which in our house usually means pizza (McDonald's is a $60 adventure when there's this many people. So not worth it. Have cereal). I've been lazy and under-motivated with dinner. It bothers me. Here is my chance to get back on the bandwagon. I need to get my family back to having a reasonable dinner every night. Being the Pinterest addict I am I did a little digging and found some good sites, recipes, and ideas for my big bulk cooking idea.
Let me tell you, this went way smoother in my head. If I had a regular kitchen with counter space and outlets it would have gone much smoother. I worked with what I had. It took me two days but I made it happen. There was only one small problem. Remember that whole "standard size" refrigerator I mentioned earlier? And its standard size top freezer? Yeah, we're gonna need something bigger. I do have a freezer. A big freezer. Like if my ex-husband ever goes missing at the same time as I get a new freezer don't ask kind of big. It'll fit two, maybe even three, bodies car loads of groceries. But it's been in the garage for a year. Not plugged in. And is partially buried under boxes. Long story short, that bad-boy is now in the kitchen. At least one of my many kitchen disasters solved. Thank you a LOT to my wonderful husband for doing most of the heavy lifting, moving, and cleaning to make this happen. It's amazing how little I was involved in this part of the process.
I will tell you that I had this post all buttoned-up and beautiful in my head.  There were pictures. And links. All the fancy shit that I looked at that sparked this fabulous stupid-ass idea in the first place. I had a lot of people ask about recipes and the menu. Here's what I made. I'll link where I can.

• Chicken Pot Pie (2 - enough for one meal - it has been requested that this make it in the normal rotation from now on. Win!)
• Lasagna (2 - two meals)
• Chicken Caccatorie(2 bags. It tasted great. I added the noodles and I screwed it up some how. The kids didn't like it. I was only mildly fond of it. Considering I couldn't keep out of the pot for the sauce there has to be another way to serve this)
• Cilantro Lime Chicken (2 bags. Makes some kick ass tacos)
• Chicken Taco Soup (2 bags)
• Honey Maple Chicken (2 bags)
• Cilantro Lime pork chops (2 bags - recipe wasn't for a freezer meal but it should come out fine anyway)
• Beef and Broccoli (1 bag)
• Beef Stroganoff (1 bag)
• Enchiladas (4 pans - two meals)
• Shepherds' Pie (2 pans - one meal, minus the potatoes that go on the top. I don't like the texture that happens when you freeze potatoes.)

That's two and a half weeks worth of meals. Plus left overs, so almost 3 weeks of food. I also made

• Pork Sloppy Joe's. In  the future I'll stick to cooking the pork loin in the crock pot with some Manwhich. I liked the semi-homemade sauce. The kids did not.
• Shredded pork, meal to be determined later
• 5 "cans" of cream of mushroom soup. I needed it for a recipe so I just made a big batch and froze it in 1 and 1/2 cup bags. 

I have the makings for pasta and meatballs with various sauces for two or three meals, a skillet dinner, a couple of casseroles, and breakfast for dinner a couple of nights. I even have the makings for pizza should I feel slightly more ambitious.  This should get us through the month.  I've been good about going to the store and only getting what we were out of. It's working so far. I spent about $500 initially. On the outside I think I'll spend another $300 on groceries. $800 sounds like a lot to me, but when I think about the 8 people in my house, it's really not so bad. Especially since that includes 2 grown men and 3 teenagers. We have salad every night, and sometimes bread/rolls and that helps round everything out.

And I would absolutely do this again. If I was more organized I could tell you what we were having tonight. But I'm not. I'll pull something out of the freezer later. It's easier if I pull something the night before and let it thaw overnight on the counter, and toss it in the crock pot in the morning. We'll probably have a casserole or something like that tonight. Once it starts to get hot out this will be my go-to planning. I hate cooking in the summer and this will definitely keep down the time I have to spend with the oven on. Next time I'll plan out a little better!

Putting on the Big Girl Panties

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A common saying in my house is saying you are or telling someone to "put on your Big Girl panties". That means that like or not, this is how it is and it's time to deal with whatever is going on like a Big Girl. Suck it up, Buttercup. Things are not going to change.
So here I am, digging out the Big Girl panties. Doug has had a pretty full plate at work lately. Like 14+ hour days full. It sucks for me (because we all know this is all about me) because it means spending more time at home on my own. I can handle that. I just don't like it. It's really not about the kids or the housework or getting a break (I'm not gonna lie, that stuff is important). The biggest problem is that I actually like my husband. 14+hour days do not get me a happy husband. Again, this sucks for ME (noticing a theme here?) I don't get the rested, funny, snuggley husband that I like. I get uber-quiet, extra-introverted husband who is just trying to get 20 minutes of rest before he gets to fall into bed and do it all over again.
Plus, things are about to get worse. My loving husband has been chosen for jury duty.  So on top of everything else he has going on he gets to sit in a room and decide the fate of some poor bastard when he would much rather be making a dent in the mountain of work so that there's hope he can get home to his amazing wife!
So here's where it gets to be about me and my panties. I have to be understanding, and patient. Loving but not needy. Supportive, and not bitchy.
Ermahgerd! this is going to SUCK! Like a lot.
This is where I need to channel my inner Big Girl and get to work on things I need to get done; things I don't do or put off because Doug is here and I'd much rather spend time with him than...anything. Maybe if the rain stops and the weather clears I might tackle the garage. Or even the disgusting piles that I call my desk. I could figure out how to use my scanner and organize some crap. I could figure out our budget.
Truthfully this really sucks for my husband the most. Bedtime comes often before he gets home most nights. Mornings are a rushed blur. His whole family has to go on without him while he works his ass off and misses the whole thing. I hope he knows how much we miss him and how we'd much rather he was home and that I do understand that this not just all about me.
I love you.

Inspiration Strikes!

I've been slowly trying to decorate my house. Because I've always been a renter (and still am) I have never gotten terribly invested in decorating. Not that I am not interested in it. I could spend hours on Pinterest looking for new ideas and inspiration to make my house a little more "home". I've never done much short of tossing up some framed pictures of the kids.
Lately I've really really been trying to get out of that rut and to copy some of the great ideas that I see online. We always take great family pictures, and for the most part they sit on their disc hidden away from view. A couple of weeks ago I finally got off my butt and tried my hand at making some of those great faux-canvas pictures that are all over Pinterest. I didn't follow any one blog to the letter, but found what I liked from multiple sites. All of the steps seemed basically the same. So, I gathered up my supplies and went to town.  The end result was really great. The canvases are 12x12. The prints I got from Office Depot for about $4 for six 12x18 prints. If you order the architectural prints they're really cheap. Modge Podge the whole thing together and this is what you get:

Cute, right? I just wanted to do more with it. It looks great, takes up most of the large blank wall, but it's just not enough. This was still pretty simple. I knew I wanted to add one of the big initials and something else. I just wasn't sure what that something was. So, I've been just letting it bounce around in my head for a while and figured I'd find the perfect thing eventually.  Well, I did!
I have been engrossed in this blog I found recently called Full of Great Ideas. I think I must've spent 2+ hours the other night going through all the old posts and looking at all of the great ideas that she has on there. I'm honestly just floored by the creativity of others. Thank God for places like Pinterest where these amazingly crafty people can get their ideas seen by more people. Although, I'm sure I'd get much more "real" stuff accomplished without them!
There was a post about a teacher gift that she made and linked to a website called Wordle that makes those great word  "clouds"; a bunch of different words all jumbled together in an aesthetically pleasing way. It's super easy (and kind of addicting). You just enter in the words that you want grouped together and hit GO and ta-da! The more frequently a word is entered the larger it is on the finished product. I decided to use my wedding vows and see what I could come up with. I LOVE our wedding vows. I will be forever thankful for the help that we received from the reverend that performed our ceremony.

From today, I will belong to you for the rest of my life. I promise to love and honor you; to give you my strength, to stand by you in joy and in sorrow, and ask you to stand by me.  I want you to share your hopes, desires, and dreams with me.  I know that our home will be one of love and understanding.  I promise to care for you when you are sick, stand by you when times are difficult, and to share the warmth and joy of life.  I give you all my trust and all of my tomorrows.  I will grow with you as long as I live.

Aren't they awesome?!
I spent about an hour playing with Wordle and trying to get it to look just the way I wanted it to. To keep words together you have to add the ~ symbol between the words. I did this to get all~of~my~tomorrows and stand~by~you in the finished product. I added our anniversary date in a few times to make it the center of the combination. I took out the word sorrow. It came up in weird spots and I just didn't like it. This is how the finished product came out:

Now I did have to make a few adjustments to be able to save it. I printed it to the document writer, saved it to the desktop as a .xps file. Well, here's some news folks, you can't upload an .xps file to anywhere to get it printed. I couldn't figure out how to save it as any other file type (it wasn't giving me the option). So I Googled it. xps to pdf conversion. I have an image converter program that I can use to add water marks and convert files, but the whole thing didn't work. I've only used it a few times and I'm not really familiar with it. Same can be said for my Photoshop. I did it the hard way. You can actually convert directly from .xps to .jpg, but apparently I like to do things the hard way. It worked out fine when I took the file down to Office Depot to get the print (which took a whole 5 minutes). I had it printed in the architectural setting again at 18x24. It was $14. I'm not sure why it was so much this time, but still not too bad.
I headed over to Joann's to get the canvas. I had initially planned on getting a 16x20, but found the 8x24 when I was there and liked that much better. I also picked up a big letter S.
Surprisingly I didn't get straight to the crafting when I got home. I actually got some work done first and then worked on it.  It only took about 20-25 minutes (plus about 30 minutes of drying time).

Everything I used to make the word canvas. 8x24 canvas, word print, Mod Podge, foam brush, acrylic paint for the edges, Command strips to hang the whole deal.

My giant S and some spray paint

Spraying on the grass. Until the sprinklers came on!

The final product! It's a little higher than I would like, but Georgie likes to stand on the back of the couch. This keeps it mostly out of her reach.

So that's the finished product! I'm really happy with it. I think the wall really needs some color but we already have color on two of the other walls so it'll have to stay like this.

Happiness is a made bed

For all that is holy this is one of those things that just makes me happy. It's right up there with valet parking and coffee made by someone else. You'd think that I would  be one of those people that makes their bed every day with the great appreciation I hold for this simple part of every day life; I'm not. But I'm working on it.
I've been struggling lately with being happy. There's a restlessness and unease about me that I don't like. I love my husband, my children, and my life. There's just some external factors that weigh heavy on my head and have just made things difficult for me. But, over our Christmas vacation I was able to get some much needed rest and release a breath I hadn't realized I was holding.  I've always been one to trot out the phrase "If you're not happy with your life,  change it". I'm a firm believer in this. A life is either moving forward or becoming stagnant. If you are not happy with something change it. If you don't like the results, try something else. Like many people get, I've been caught in my own web of "this sucks". I'm stomping my feet and shouting at the heavens about how much I don't like XYZ and not making any forward momentum.

So I've changed my tactic. There are things I'm not happy with and can not change. There are things that I am working on that are going to take time. Patience is not one of my virtues. (Stop laughing, I have them!) There are things in my life that I can control. I am very affected by my surroundings.  Mess makes me anxious. You couldn't tell that right off based on the normal state of my house but it's true. Right now I am striving to put my physical house back in order so that I might be able to get my mental "house" (yeah, I see it. Shut up) back to something that resembles normal. Well, normal for me.
I've worked my butt off this weekend trying to restore some order in my house and my head. I've cleaned the kitchen repeatedly (the dishwasher is running for the 5th time in 2 days). I've added art and pictures to the walls. I cleaned out the cat box (totally not my yob man), cleaned up the dining room, done laundry, and cleaned my bedroom. Most importantly for me right now is my bed is made. I'm about to turn in for the night and I'm excited by the fact that I get to climb in a made bed. I'd be over-the-moon if the sheets were fresh but I had my limits this weekend. I did more this weekend than I have in a month. But I feel better for it. I want to continue this momentum for as long as I can. My goal is to make my bed every single day. This I can control. This makes me happy. This is what I will concentrate on, and I will not dwell on what I can not change and what I can not control.
What is one thing that you could do every day that makes you happy?

The New Normal

Well, the older girls are officially back in school and the chaos has begun! With three kids in school balancing everything gets pretty tricky as it is. Add two toddlers into the mix and it's a little more challenging. Plus the fact that we're dealing with two different schools. Oh, and four different activities for the three kids. Like I said, chaos.
Krystyne made varsity cheer this year. We're really excited for her. She's wanted to be a cheerleader since she was little. I'm glad that she's able to make this a part of her senior year. For her this means practice every day after school until 5:30. Once football games start she'll be at all of the home games, a couple of away games and who knows what else. She's got fundraisers and practices and all kinds of other things.
Allie is back in marching band this year. She practices three times a week until 5, and again, once football season starts that's where you'll find her, too.  At least that puts her and Krystyne in the same spot! But marching band for Allie means Boosters for me and Doug. I'm the Booster Treasurer this year and that's a pretty time consuming deal on its own.  Soon we'll start with tournaments most Saturdays and figuring out how to make all that work out. With the little girls getting bigger it will be harder to have them in tow for these things.
Jane is in middle school this year. She's started in band as well. Thankfully no marching! But, there are parent meetings and performances to go to. She also joined the California Cadet Corps. It's a JROTC type program.  Since she has a plan to join the military after high school this will be good for her. Plus it gives her more of the structure that she needs. It's another thing that will mean finding space and juggling already crazy schedules. But if she's enjoying it, it is definitely worth it.  She also attends the after school program every day until 5:45. It's just an activities program put on by the YMCA, but it gives them homework time and organized activities that keep them busy after school. She can walk home most days (when the weather is something closer to reasonable) and it saves me a trip. I'm really excited for this year for her. She's got a lot on her plate but I think she'll do really well. 
This whole thing leaves me and the little girls to our own devices until at least 5, three days a week. Tuesdays and Fridays Allie gets home around 3 so I need to figure out how to adjust my own schedule accordingly. Once football season really starts we'll be at the games on Friday nights.  If I can figure out a schedule during the day for me and the little girls I think things will go more smoothly.  I'm thinking park trips in the morning and working after lunch while they nap (once the weather breaks to under 100!). I've been getting little spurts of stuff done. Nothing that is a major accomplishment, but lots of little things. That's most of my days anyway, so at least I feel like I'm making progress.

I Actually Made Something From Pinterest!

I know!  I was shocked, too! I've managed to dwindle down my Pinterest time to something a little less embarrassing lately. It's usually where I spend time when I've refreshed Facebook 8 times already and it seems no one is up to anything more and I'm stuck on hold with an insurance company. In my wandering the other day I found a recipe for DIY coffee creamer. We're big coffee junkies here. I like my coffee sweet and creamy; usually just *this* side of a latte. Coffee creamer is expensive since I've stopped couponing and I'm always looking for recipes to make my own anything. Not that I actually make most of it, but I still want to know that I can should a magic fairy ever come down and suddenly make my chaos something less time consuming.
I found a recipe that seemed simple enough - equal parts sweetened condensed milk and milk or milk substitute (almond milk at my house), and some flavoring (I used coffee syrup). D'uh. Even I could do that! And I actually did! I need to be careful I don't pull something with all the back patting I'm doing.
Now the original blog has all these fancy pictures and stuff. Had I thought of it as I was making it or was that fancy-pants enough I might have done something similar. But, if you've been here more than once you know something like that doesn't really happen all that often.
End result? Awesome! Love it! Total cost for 20oz was $1.85. That's all I spent on the condensed milk. I had the almond milk and  the flavor syrup already. I used the sugar-free caramel syrup and added some cinnamon. Of course I had to make myself a cup to try it out right away. Yummy!
I will say that I could taste the "milk" in the first few sips. I'm not a fan of milk and  neither is my tummy in any kind of high concentration, but this seems to be OK. After the initial taste it was gone and I don't notice it. Certainly not for the lactose intolerant or anyone with milk allergies. I just find the stuff nasty and since I don't drink it and use a rather small amount of dairy other than for cooking I noticed the taste.
This is one of those recipes for something I could just as easily buy in the store that I think I'll keep using. Making your own convenience foods isn't always worth the effort, but this definitely is!
I better head to bed so I can get up and have more coffee (and) creamer...

What's All This Time?

For some reason I've managed to have extra bonus unproductive time the last few days. The girls have been keeping chores (mostly) done and the house isn't falling down around me. Yesterday there were NO DIRTY DISHES IN THE SINK! And the dishwasher wasn't full. Whuck? How the hell did that happen? No idea. You know what? Don't care. It happened. There's laundry that needs to be done but it's somehow magically confined to the hamper. Like there's dirty clothes inside the hamper! Usually there's clean clothes inside the hamper and dirty clothes, well, everywhere. Not right now. Nope. Don't care how that happened either. I could even vacuum my bedroom floor if I was so inclined (which I'm not - in case you were wondering).
The first person to mention it's only Tuesday gets punched in the face.
I've even managed to get something close to what resembles "caught up" at work. That means I have accounts I should follow up on, but I'm not getting bitched at about them and all the daily crap is done.
I have a ton of stuff that I could be doing. The garage needs to be cleaned out. The laundry could use a couple loads done. I could work more. But I'm not gonna. I'm enjoying the down time. I'm having fun playing with the babies, planning to shuttle the older girls, and hanging around on Facebook. Hell, I've even managed to get on here more than I have in the last 3 months! So I'm enjoying the time.
Next week I'll be back in full-force-chaos and getting things accomplished. But this week is mine.  This time is mine. And if I want to squander it I will. I'll be wondering where all the time went later.

Jack of All Trades, Master of None

I've realized something. I have too much going on.  I know, take a minute to let that kind astonishing announcement sink in.  It's taken me a few days/weeks/months/years to come to that realization myself. 
Things have been difficult lately.  I've felt like I've been swimming in a mudslide.  Getting the house unpacked, taking care of the girls, figuring out my new schedule, work and desperately trying to find something kind of hobby or outlet has left me with a ton of unfinished projects, unpacked boxes and a disaster of a house. 
Through it all I'm not able to be the kind of wife/mother/friend I want to be. There's just not enough of me left.  There's not enough of me left for ME!  I'm struggling. And I'm all the more crazy for it.  I've been trying to figure out what I can do to make this clutter in my head disappear.  I'm not handling anything well and I need to. So I decided that I need to simplify my life. I need to just get back to basics and stop trying to be super-mom, super-wife, super-anything. I need to just be... simpler. 
It's not as easy as it sounds but I'm working on it a little every day. With multiple melt-downs under my belt the last few days I've been able to see what my triggers are and hopefully can figure out how to avoid them. Or at the very least recognize when I'm get swallowed up whole by my life. 
So I've given up on couponing. I've been able to cut the costs of our groceries, just by the costs associated with food here.  I don't know if it's just an ease of transport thing or what, but I'm finding groceries are much less expensive than I was anticipating.  I need to just let the coupons go for now and concentrate on making fresh meals from in-season produce.  It'll be cheaper and healthier in the long run.  Plus, I've found a Win Co close by and that will really help, too.  I'm going to be passing the coupon-torch to a good friend who can benefit and don't feel like it's going to waste.  My chaos is benefiting another family. Can't go wrong there!
I'm putting the craft mess away.  I toyed with the idea of starting a business with the beautiful fabric flowers I was making. I found them relaxing and just loved creating something.  But the pressure of making the hobby into something that might actually provide some kind of income (even as a little "extra") was becoming one more thing I had/wanted to do that I just didn't have time for and we were all suffering because of it. 
So now it's back to basics. It's crafting one thing at a time when I can. It's finding the best deals and finding a new way to save on meals and groceries. It's getting back on track with a budget and trying to save for a house. It's doing only what I can and letting the rest be.
I need to learn to let Doug help more. I need to accept that the kids don't do the job as well as I do but that they are  helping and it's that much less I have to do. 
I need to take a deep breath and learn to enjoy my family again.  I am truly and deeply blessed.  I know it, I just need to re-learn how to accept it. 
Be patient with me. 

Home Birth vs. Hospital Birth

As it gets closer and closer to my due date we are starting to get things in order.  At some point I have to pull out the infant clothes and wash the tiny diapers. It might be a good idea to order some more snappis, too.  I’ve paid the deposit to our doula. At my next appointment my doctor wants to check my cervix for changes. Baby has dropped. Significantly. 

As we are looking how quickly this is all approaching we are at a point where the “where” of the whole thing is looming before us. And honestly I’m torn. The midwife we’ve chosen is wonderful. But she lives an hour and a half away. North of Seattle, without traffic. Which is fine if I have the good sense to go into labor around midnight.  But truthfully it’s not a big deal when it’s someone I trust and have faith in their experience. Not like I have a plethora of options either. I’ve talked to other midwives and while I’m sure that they’re fine, I haven’t quite gotten that “feeling” with them that I have with her. So I’m willing to accept the travel time and even the possibility of an accidental “unassisted” birth. My doula has been with laboring women almost as long as I’ve been alive so I don’t feel like I would be alone.

I have been adamant that I wanted to have this baby at home. I want to crawl into my bed and pull the covers up and snuggle my husband and our new baby and all my girls all at the same time. I want the sights/sounds/smells of my own home and relax in the familiarity of it all. I want my house and my family all together.

Or do I?

I reluctantly took the hospital tour.  St. Elizabeth’s is a wonderful, brand spanking new, hospital. I’m pretty sure they’re still walking around taking that plastic film-y stuff off of the electronics. They are supportive of natural birth and have never had a ban on VBAC. My doctor lives in town. All things considered it’s really rather nice.  When I was there the nurses were very sweet.  I asked what the average stay was and she said “24-48 hours, depending on your doctor. I know if I had four other kids at home I’d enjoy the quiet time!”. It was cute and jovial and with no malice in it.  I kind of laughed her off and thought of this blissful picture I had of us all puppy piled in my bed while my birth team puttered around the house. 

But the last couple weeks have been rough. I keep hearing that nurse in my head. How nice would it be? Just a day. Maybe two. Just me and Georgiana and Doug. Other people to bring me stuff.  Not feeling like I had to get up and do anything. Time to sleep and nurse and just love on my newest daughter.  Let’s face it, this house and this family are my whole world. This is my stress and my joy. My accomplishments and my failures.  I feel guilty for thinking that at some point my husband might have to leave his wife and daughter and come home to sleep in an empty bed. Is it fair for me to think of this as time for myself.  I’m having a baby, not going to a spa. It’s a hospital not a resort.

On one hand I have my belief that I am having a baby, not sick, so I have no need to go to the hospital.  I have had four children already and two VBACs I can look back and be proud of.  I don’t need to go to the hospital. But am I standing on principle only in this decision? I trust my doctor to be understanding of my desires and to follow my birth plan. I don’t anticipate a fight against interventions. I trust my body to do what it is designed to do. It doesn’t matter if I am at home, in a hospital or on the moon – I am having this baby. Am I looking for a home birth to simply be able to say that I have fought the system and have done it? Malpractice and insurance policies and social conformity be damned? I just don’t know. At this point I think I’m just a crazy person and should probably be committed. (Preferably somewhere sunny, sandy and with a pretty Jose to bring me umbrella drinks.) I don’t have the traumatic c-section stories that I hear. I don’t have a panic-inducing distrust of hospitals as a whole. My c-section was 100% necessary and life saving for Allie. I don’t need to heal from that experience, like so many women I have come in contact with.  My VBAC with Jane was handled horribly and dangerously but we both came out just fine.  I can even put a funny spin on it when necessary.  My VBAC with Fiona was awesome and empowering and while there are a couple things that weren’t “perfect” they aren’t things that I hold any real animosity because of. Could it have been easier? Absolutely. Am I scared or afraid because of what happened? No. I pushed that 9lb 7oz baby out of my vagina without drugs and with limited interventions. I did it and I have that to hold dear.  I don’t live in an area where I will have to fight for every natural, intervention-free moment.  I have support and love that will surround me.

Financially we will come out about the same. It’s either in cash up front to the midwife or in payments to the hospital because of our deductible. Either way the money is spent. It’s just a matter of who I write the check to.

Honestly as I write this I feel like I’m leaning more towards the hospital. That day or so break sounds good. I know what I am like and the responsibility of the house and the family weighs on me.   My mom will be here to visit with the girls and help.  I just don’t know. I guess we’ll wait and see. 

Does anyone have any thoughts?

So Far So Good

So far this year has been GREAT!
Easy to say heading into day four but in an attempt to take each day as it comes, So Far, So Good! It is the New Year. A symbolic opportunity to start fresh. Simply changing the calendar can offer a glimmer of what can be. With no pages to look back on it offers at least the appearance of new beginnings. Those osf you with 18 month calendars should be ashamed of yourselves! Screwing it up for us optimistic types.
I've done a bit of reading lately on resolutions. The theory itself intrigues me. Apparently I'm not the only one since there are news articles, stories, blogs, and even Facebook updates (yeah OK guilty) on the subject. There's statistical data on the most made resolutions, the most failed resolutions, those who make the resolution to make no resolutions and even the terribly gag-me sweet gifts-to-myself people (gift of better health through fitness, gift of time through organization, blah, blah, blah). I'm obviously not immune to the whole thing. However, as the last few days have passed I've re focused my thinking and reassessed my own resolutions.
There are things I want to accomplish this year, like getting my child birth educator certification. There are things that need to get done, like the de-cluttering, organization and final unpacking of the house. OK so we've been here for 3 years and still aren't fully unpacked - but who's counting?. Things I'd like to improve on, like finally keeping this damn blog up to date and being more patient. I think making a resolution is the easy part. Having the resolve to make major changes in your life is something else.
I've been productive so far this weekend. Eight boxes have been cleared from the garage. Divided into Trash, Keep and Donate boxes. Only 2 bins will be making back to the garage. The laundry is mostly done. The kitchen is tidy and my bed is made. I think the biggest change that I have made this weekend has not been tangible. It is a change in mindset. Or at least, in all honesty, a resolve to change my mindset. I can't say specifically what it was, but so far it's working.
Part of it, I think, is just a change in wording from "I'd like to at least get my hair brush put away to " I will put my makeup and hairbrush away" and doing it. It's the understanding that sometimes this just ain't gonna happen. Part of it is being conscious of the physical. Yes, absolutely, 100%those moments of quiet and inactivity are vital to your mental well-being. But how much of that time could be better spent productively without detriment? It's asking myself the question "Can I do more before I move on?".
Right now I have made that choice. I could be reading or watching TV, but this is something I want to work on. This is something important. I started this blog as a way to update family and friends about what was going on with my last pregnancy and life in gerneral. But writing is something I enjoy and is an outlet for me. Sometimes emotional and other tims creative, but I find comfort in it either way. I write to an audiance but not always for an audiance. It's just the way my head works.
Hopefully this change in mindset should allow me to not only do more that I enjoy but more effectively keep the house from falling down around us.
My biggest worry is being able to maintain this pace. So often we fall into patterns based on momentum. I envy those whose lives are more conscious than that. I guess that's the broadest definition of what I'm looking for. My resolution, my goal, my gift to myself is a life not based on momentum and one making the conscious, physical decisions that are the best that I can make them. I know some days will be better than others. Some weeks will have more tangible results.
So far, so good.