Monday, January 16, 2012

On The Move

Well, we're at it again. Moving. Ugh. I could really do without it but it's one of those necessary evils. When we first moved down to California for Doug's job we moved into my aunt's rental house. It's a great little house.  But it's a little house. Of course most things are for a family of our size... 
We wanted to have our dog, Maggie, back and my aunt didn't want pets here. I get it. I don't think I'd be interested in having someone's pets in a house I owned.  You just never know. So we looked for something a little bigger that would support our family - both two and four legged ones. We found a great house not far from the girls' school that would allow us to have our dog and had a pool! I think I'm most excited about the pool.  It's either that or the dishwasher. Again, with a family this size, a dishwasher is a must have item.  So we're ready to move this weekend.
I can say that I am not dreading this move nearly as much as I have other moves.  Truthfully Doug and I haven't really moved much. We moved in together and then to California. Not moving has been nice. I moved so much during my first marriage that we never seemed to get settled. Now we're only moving a few miles, staying within the girls' school district and signing a two year lease.  So this will be it for a while. I think I might be thinking this is going to be easier than it really will be. I haven't done any packing so far and I'm not really sure we're going to be doing all that much anyway.  The Thursday before we actually bring in the truck and get all the big crap I'll be moving a bunch of stuff in my Excursion.  It'll be mainly clothes and bathroom and kitchen stuff.  The things we need to actually live with while we unpack and settle in. I am really looking forward to the move. Not the work, mind you, but the move itself.  We've been here six months and it's never really felt like ours.  It was a transitional stop from the beginning and that's a hard place to live. 
In the five-plus years that Doug and I have been together we've always been planning for something. First a wedding, then a baby, then another baby, and then a long distance move. While we've done well and kept our head's on it seems like we haven't had much of a chance to just be.  Now we are getting that chance. To be intentionally stationary and with no other plans other than to live our life will be something different for me.  I'm looking forward to finding out what life like that is like.  We are a busy family. With active kids and jobs that require attention being able to relax and find stability in our surroundings is nice. We will finally be able to fully reap the benefits that the move here initially promised.  I'll try and post pictures of the house as we get settled.  I'm excited to share the new future we're not  planing for.

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

I'm Back

Well, maybe "back" isn't exactly right. Back would mean that I was gone. I wasn't gone, I just wasn't here. And in all truthfulness that was really probably best. I wasn't in a good place. I wasn't in a good writing place.The blog posts in my head were depressing even to me and I just couldn't bring myself to put it all out there. Not in a vulnerability kind of way, but more of  a no-one-wants-to-read-this-shit kind of way. In a I-don't-even-want-to-type-this-shit kind of way!
Honestly it was  all ridiculous. The blow up that I was expecting between me and my mom happened. There's no way to leave at 21 and come home at 34 and not have it happen. And it was more than just that. It was the expectations I was failing to live up to, the family functions I was expected to attend at the cost of my own family traditions (Christmas).  Add my own craziness that comes from living in chaos in a house that just won't ever feel like mine and I just had to shut the lid on the laptop for a while.  But here I am feeling a little bit better and the holidays behind me and ready to do it all over again. 
I miss it here. I miss my little piece of cyber-space and both the people that read this thing.  I am feeling the urge to write again. I am feeling the words pour though my head and look for a page to call home. So even though we have a TON going on, as always, I feel like I'm "back". Or maybe - more accurately - still here. Still standing. And still rambling on. Thanks for hanging around.