tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-57637810334577749152024-03-19T03:07:18.624-07:00They Are Fast Strange Times...Brandyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17305797281035096597noreply@blogger.comBlogger209125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5763781033457774915.post-40426780548640819772013-05-31T21:04:00.001-07:002013-05-31T21:05:09.638-07:00Cleanse Should Be a Four Letter WordI learned something about myself this week. I am not a "cleanse" person.<br />
Don't ask what prompted it, but I had decided that I would do a 3 day juice detox cleanse.<br />
In theory it's a great idea. Flush all of the toxins that have been building up in your system from the crap food we eat, feel better, and give your system a little bit of a "re-boot", so to speak.<br />
In reality it sucked ass. Like a lot.<br />
Honestly the flavor was pretty good. I like juice. I like fresh juice I made myself. I even like vegetable juice. So for the most part I really liked the recipes. I went out and stocked up on some great, fresh produce, and set off to "cleanse".<br />
The first day was a mental shift. Just wrapping my brain around the whole thing was difficult. And with some tweaking I was able to make my "lunch" turn out pretty good. I had a couple <i>WTF</i> moments, but I could do it. I almost punched my husband in the throat when he had 5 doughnuts for dinner, but I could muster up some self control. This was my choice, not his, so I'll save my murderous rage for another time.<br />
Oh, did I mention the no coffee thing? That should've been my first clue. No coffee? No good. People in my house have almost died because I didn't have coffee. This was not off to a good start.<br />
The second day is what was my undoing. I woke up feeling like I'd been hit by a truck. My neck was sore, my head was pounding, my throat was sore, and I was just altogether icky. It was like a hangover without the snippets of <strike>fun </strike>bad decisions from the night before. According to my health-crunch friends (not a derogatory comment <i>at all</i>) this was the toxins trying to escape.<br />
This is where I really started to lose my grip on my determination. But, instead of giving in I powered through. I made a really great juice for my breakfast and made myself ready to face the day. Once I got going with work, kids, and all the other crap I do in a day I was able to be more in my rhythm and felt a little better. I'm sure all the sugar from the fruit juice I had for breakfast didn't hurt either. I had been drinking water all day and by one o'clock still hadn't had any more juice (you're supposed to have one every 2-3 hours). I just couldn't convince myself to get up and go make the juice. I tried making a salad out of the ingredients I was going to be drinking, thinking at least it was close. I could just not get up and actually make the juice.<br />
I kept telling myself <i>I can do this! I can do this!</i><br />
Turns out, no I can't.<br />
Well, that's not entirely true. I could. I don't want to. I couldn't pinpoint why I really wanted to do it in the first place. To look better in the bathing suit I'm not going to wear on our vacation to Mexico? Seriously, there's nothing I could do in the week that we have before we leave that is truly going to make any bit of difference.<br />
I don't know if I'm just making excuses for giving up or if it's something more but I did have some pretty great thoughts. And if I can hold onto these I'll be much healthier than I would have been had I finished the cleanse. I will tell you that I'm pretty sure I heard a choir of angels sing when I finally said "I'm done" and opened a Diet Coke. Although I'm not 100% sure, it was slightly drowned out by the crying souls of my health-crunch friends.<br />
Here's what I learned:<br />
Right now I need to be OK with me. I need to not worry about the overall size of my ass or my gut. You know what? I'm 36 years old and I've had 5 kids. Two of those babies within 2 years of each other. When I met my husband I hadn't had a baby in 7 years, and I was still in my 20's (technically). Plus I'd just gone through that best-diet-ever-just-don't-recommend-it; it's called the Divorce Diet. It's amazing!! Lose that first 220lbs and the other 20 just falls right the F*** off! (If you don't get it, we can't be friends anymore. I'm sorry.) My baby cousin (19, and just gorgeous) recently told me "If I can look like you do when I'm your age and have had 5 babies, then I think I'll be doing damn good!". I kind of laughed her off a bit, but it really stuck with me. You know what? She's right! I've lost about 50lbs in the last 2 years. I'm pretty sure I know a lot of women who would knife me in the eye right now to lose 50lbs. Amazing, beautiful women, that I would say didn't need to lose any weight, they're beautiful as they are, would be responsible for knifing me directly in the eyeballs.<br />
My husband has learned in his 45 years, that it's best not to say anything at all when it comes to a woman and her weight. That's a Twix moment if there ever was one. My sweet husband, who still sticks his hand out to grab my ass as I crawl into bed most nights. The one who makes it obvious that he's not paying attention to whatever trivial thing I'm whining about because he's too busy looking down my shirt. He has told me when chastised about his lack of complimenting abilities "I think you're beautiful, why should I continue to state the obvious?". Apparently we don't walk around commenting that the sky is blue, so why should he say his wife is beautiful. There's a slight flaw in his logic, but that's another post entirely.<br />
Bottom line, I'm not going to torture myself trying to re-boot a system that is currently running just fine. Could I be healthier? Absolutely. Couldn't we all? But with all that's going on in my life right now is this really something that needs to be my top priority? I don't think so. I need to feel good about myself and the state I'm in now. I'm not overweight. I'm considered a healthy range for my height and build. There's really nothing a little exercise can't fix. Later. When the chaos has settled a bit and I'm not dealing with such emotionally charged issues. Because quite frankly if a Diet Coke or a big bowl of ice cream is what makes me feel better right now then I am OK with it.<br />
And as long as my husband is still trying to play grab-ass in the kitchen when the kids aren't looking, I should probably be OK with that, too.<br />
So I will keep my juicer, because I like it and enjoy some fresh juice once in a while. But it will be relegated back to its position on the shelf in the garage for occasional use instead of taking up valuable, limited, counter space in the kitchen. And I will worry less about the size of my dress, and more about keeping my husband's hands from it when we're in public.<br />
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<br />Brandyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17305797281035096597noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5763781033457774915.post-83345569177109778412013-05-10T17:46:00.003-07:002013-05-10T17:46:55.122-07:00Thank you for not killing me. I know I probably deserved it.With the Mother's Day weekend upon us I am forced once again to reflect on why I really don't like this holiday. I made the poor gal at the bank uncomfortable when in her best customer-service-perk she inquired as to whether or not I had children, and then if I had "exciting plans" for Mother's Day. I told her honestly I'd rather skip it.<br />
"But it's <i>your day!</i>"<br />
Is it? Really? Or is it for the most part an anti-climactic day that is not really as great as we tell you it is? Maybe I've just been disillusioned over the last 18 years worth of Mother's Days. Perhaps it's the teenager's apathy to pretty much everything that has rubbed off on me. But, there is this commercial build-up that is never really attainable. The commercials depicting the "surprise" breakfast in bed and little velvet box from our somehow-still-smitten husband are kind of crap.<br />
Now don't get me wrong, I've had my share of great Mother's Day celebrations. I have been woken up by 3 smiling children with partially-toasted toast, not quite perfectly prepared coffee, and a beautiful new jewelry box (which still sits on my night side stand). I have had my husband attend church with me less-begrudgingly than usual, and then take me to my favorite restaurant with reservations he'd made weeks in advance.<br />
For the most part they fall flat. Not for lack of effort or desire on the part of my husband and my kids, but simply because there is just no way for me to just have a whole Day. Could you go to work and simply sit there all day while everything happened around you? This public delusion that as Mom's we are somehow on vacation one day a year is ridiculous.<br />
I don't want to go out to an over-crowded restaurant for breakfast/lunch/dinner. I'd rather cook. And I'd rather not spend the whole time thinking about the small mortgage the bill is going to be for taking this many people out anywhere. I don't want my husband to go out and buy a gift and flowers because the calendar says he should. I know it's a lot to expect, but I'd love it if he'd just bring home flowers on his way home from work because he thought I'd like it when he stopped to pick up the milk I forgot earlier. Or a whispered "you really don't suck at this" would be nice. I could skip the half dozen cards from the kids, whose only involvement was signing what he shoved under their noses (I do really like the mushy ones that I get from my husband though). The best gift I could have from my kids? Do your friggin' laundry. All of it. Like I would do it. Just once. Please. Ignore the snarky remark from your sister. Just this once. Don't make a snarky remark to your sister. Just this once. Please. Refrain from all the discussion about all the stuff you have planned for someone else's mom that is just so awesome. I can run through my list of why I'm failing miserably at this mom thing without reminders, thanks.<br />
Now as a grown child I have a different view on Mother's Day for my own mother (and mother-in-law; thanks for that boy of yours, by way. He's pretty awesome). It's the reminder I need to send my mom flowers because she really should get them more often and for no reason. And I know she understands that raising a family is a lot of work and I can barely remember who I'm supposed to pick up at which school before what activity; let alone remembering to be appreciative of the fact that's she's my (his) mom. As a grown child, Mother's Day is an opportunity to send flowers or a gift that, regardless of the card, says "Thank you for not killing me. I know I probably deserved it.". <br />
Hopefully I'll get there with my kids one day. If they make it...<br />
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<br />Brandyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17305797281035096597noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5763781033457774915.post-20941137719355790802013-03-16T07:37:00.000-07:002013-05-05T07:10:43.518-07:00Life Happens<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I'm up way too early on a Saturday as usual. And I'm working. As usual. But, my reports pretty much run themselves and I'm not terribly productive or proactive at 6am. I've played all my lives on Candy Crush, read through my newsfeed - more than once. I thought about doing the dishes. No really, I did. Then I realized there was no getting my butt out of this chair except to get more coffee, and that cup is full. I started reading through my old bookmarked blogs. I love <a href="http://thebloggess.com/" target="_blank">The Bloggess</a>, she's really awesome but if you're easily offended skip it. I stop there every morning and part of my routine. There are others too but that's where I started this morning. I started going back through my old Blog Favorites folder and realized that most of them are gone! It's been a while since I've looked at some of them (last post in 2011? Really? Huh.) but I was kind of sad to find them not waiting for my return. <br />
It got me thinking about my own blog here. Honestly I've kind of let it slip. While it was never something I wanted to make a living from, it was a much needed extension of my mental health. Whoa does that explain a lot. For a lot of it I've not shared things that are just too personal. While I admire those bloggers that I read that are sharing their crippling depression and new found love for Xanax (I don't judge. Been there. Amen to modern pharmaceuticals and their ability to return life when it's been sucked through your eyeballs) I'm not there. I have been and so I get it. Sometimes it's just me, and the overwhelming life that comes from having five kids, a gigantic dog, and an ailing father. I don't want to listen to myself whine, why the hell would the other two people that read this thing care?<br />
There is joy, too. The amazing feeling of completeness that my children bring. Because, along with the fact that they make me bat-shit crazy, <i>I love my children like nothing else!</i> I would sacrifice anything for them and their happiness. Sometimes there are just so damn <i>many</i> of them. What falls short is the ability to share and analyze all that they make me feel. The moments are so precious. Even the ones that have me screaming like a crazy person. I am always learning and growing as a parent and as a person. This shit is hard, yo! Maybe I should share more of that. We are not alone in this, even though it often feels that way. <br />
I'm a little scattered, too. I have grand plans and, sometimes, very little follow-through. It's not from a place of malice, or irresponsibility. It's a creative side that has yet to be adequately tapped. It's needing something to call my own in the midst of the chaos that is my life, it's a desire to take on <i>everything</i> and having to let the things with lesser importance drop. It's part of who I am. Love it or hate it, it's something that just has to be dealt with. Honestly I'm <strike>a little</strike> a LOT self conscious about it and am hesitant to get too excited about any one thing on the highly likely chance that my life will take over my passion. It happens. And often. <br />
My point? Oh hell, who knows? I am ever evolving, and I hope that my blog is showing that. At least to some degree. This is really for my recollection. That is what I need to remember most of all. There will be a time when I will look back and this can be a reminder of how the kids were, how I was, how my family was. That is what I need to remember when deciding to (or not) share something. I need to make the time to keep this up (I know I've said it before) if for no other reason than prosperity's sake.<br />
Oh look, my coffee cup is empty... <br />
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<br />Brandyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17305797281035096597noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5763781033457774915.post-10926303294602346212013-03-11T07:13:00.004-07:002013-03-11T07:14:24.935-07:00Bulk Cooking in My LifeSo a couple of weeks ago I thought I would take on a pretty big challenge and do some bulk cooking. Honestly, I don't know what the hell I was thinking. I have a tiny, almost useless kitchen, no counter space, and a standard sized refrigerator that's supposed to hold enough food for a family of 8. Where exactly am I going to put all of this that I decided to make? And what possessed me to do this in the first place? Apparently I drink. And heavily.<br />
It started when I made a trip to Sam's Club for some Booster cookies (We were selling cookies and water at a band performance). Since we had <i>finally</i> gotten through the 40lbs of chicken quarters I had bought on my last oh-mah-gawd-look-how-cheap-these-are spree I decided I should pick up "just a few things".<br />
(This is the point I should probably share some background. When I was growing up we were poor. Not just broke, but poor. Like living with family, food boxes, and eventually when I was in high school, we moved to the projects. There were times groceries were scarce. I may have food issues.)<br />
So my "just a few things" turned into a 10lb pork loin, 8lbs of pork chops, 5lbs of flank steak, 20+lbs of boneless, skinless chicken breasts, and some frozen meatballs. I get home and realize I have no idea what the hell I'm going to do with all of this. We've been spending a lot of money on fast-food lately. Which in our house usually means pizza (McDonald's is a $60 adventure when there's this many people. So not worth it. Have cereal). I've been lazy and under-motivated with dinner. It bothers me. Here is my chance to get back on the bandwagon. I need to get my family back to having a reasonable dinner every night. Being the Pinterest addict I am I did a little digging and found some good sites, recipes, and ideas for my big bulk cooking idea.<br />
Let me tell you, this went <i>way</i> smoother in my head. If I had a regular kitchen with counter space and outlets it would have gone much smoother. I worked with what I had. It took me two days but I made it happen. There was only one small problem. Remember that whole "standard size" refrigerator I mentioned earlier? And its standard size top freezer? Yeah, we're gonna need something bigger. I do have a freezer. A big freezer. Like if my ex-husband ever goes missing at the same time as I get a new freezer don't ask kind of big. It'll fit two, maybe even three, <strike>bodies</strike> car loads of groceries. But it's been in the garage for a year. Not plugged in. And is partially buried under boxes. Long story short, that bad-boy is now in the kitchen. At least one of my many kitchen disasters solved. Thank you a <i>LOT</i> to my wonderful husband for doing most of the heavy lifting, moving, and cleaning to make this happen. It's amazing how little I was involved in this part of the process.<br />
I will tell you that I had this post all buttoned-up and beautiful in my head. There were pictures. And links. All the fancy shit that I looked at that sparked this <strike>fabulous </strike>stupid-ass idea in the first place. I had a lot of people ask about recipes and the menu. Here's what I made. I'll link where I can.<br />
<ul>
<li><a href="http://www.freezerdinner.com/recipes/freezer-chicken-pot-pie/" target="_blank">Chicken Pot Pie</a> (2 - enough for one meal - it has been requested that this make it in the normal rotation from now on. Win!)</li>
<li>Lasagna (2 - two meals)</li>
<li>Chicken Caccatorie(2 bags. It tasted great. I added the noodles and I screwed it up some how. The kids didn't like it. I was only mildly fond of it. Considering I couldn't keep out of the pot for the sauce there has to be another way to serve this)</li>
<li>Cilantro Lime Chicken (2 bags. Makes some kick ass tacos)</li>
<li>Chicken Taco Soup (2 bags)</li>
<li><a href="http://www.sixsistersstuff.com/2012/04/maple-dijon-glazed-chicken-recipe.html" target="_blank">Honey Maple Chicken </a>(2 bags)</li>
<li><a href="http://www.tasteofhome.com/recipes/cilantro-lime-pork-chops" target="_blank">Cilantro Lime pork chops </a>(2 bags - recipe wasn't for a freezer meal but it should come out fine anyway)</li>
<li>Beef and Broccoli (1 bag)</li>
<li><a href="http://www.sixsistersstuff.com/2011/10/slow-cooker-beef-stroganoff-freezer.html" target="_blank">Beef Stroganoff </a>(1 bag)</li>
<li>Enchiladas (4 pans - two meals)</li>
<li>Shepherds' Pie (2 pans - one meal, minus the potatoes that go on the top. I don't like the texture that happens when you freeze potatoes.) </li>
</ul>
That's two and a half weeks worth of meals. Plus left overs, so almost 3 weeks of food. I also made<br />
<ul>
<li>Pork Sloppy Joe's. In the future I'll stick to cooking the pork loin in the crock pot with some Manwhich. I liked the semi-homemade sauce. The kids did not.</li>
<li>Shredded pork, meal to be determined later </li>
<li>5 "cans" of cream of mushroom soup. I needed it for a recipe so I just made a big batch and froze it in 1 and 1/2 cup bags. </li>
</ul>
I have the makings for pasta and meatballs with various sauces for two or three meals, a skillet dinner, a couple of casseroles, and breakfast for dinner a couple of nights. I even have the makings for pizza should I feel slightly more ambitious. This should get us through the month. I've been good about going to the store and only getting what we were out of. It's working so far. I spent about $500 initially. On the outside I think I'll spend another $300 on groceries. $800 sounds like a lot to me, but when I think about the 8 people in my house, it's really not so bad. Especially since that includes 2 grown men and 3 teenagers. We have salad every night, and sometimes bread/rolls and that helps round everything out.<br />
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And I would absolutely do this again. If I was more organized I could tell you what we were having tonight. But I'm not. I'll pull something out of the freezer later. It's easier if I pull something the night before and let it thaw overnight on the counter, and toss it in the crock pot in the morning. We'll probably have a casserole or something like that tonight. Once it starts to get hot out this will be my go-to planning. I hate cooking in the summer and this will definitely keep down the time I have to spend with the oven on. Next time I'll plan out a little better!<br />
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<br />Brandyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17305797281035096597noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5763781033457774915.post-30492009895495352802013-01-28T20:22:00.002-08:002013-01-28T20:22:27.682-08:00Putting on the Big Girl Panties<br />
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</tbody></table>
A common saying in my house is saying you are or telling someone to "put on your Big Girl panties". That means that like or not, this is how it is and it's time to deal with whatever is going on like a Big Girl. Suck it up, Buttercup. Things are not going to change.<br />
So here I am, digging out the Big Girl panties. Doug has had a pretty full plate at work lately. Like 14+ hour days full. It sucks for me (because we all know this is all about me) because it means spending more time at home on my own. I can handle that. I just don't like it. It's really not about the kids or the housework or getting a break (I'm not gonna lie, that stuff is important). The biggest problem is that I actually <i>like </i>my husband. 14+hour days do not get me a happy husband. Again, this sucks for ME (noticing a theme here?) I don't get the rested, funny, snuggley husband that I like. I get uber-quiet, extra-introverted husband who is just trying to get 20 minutes of rest before he gets to fall into bed and do it all over again.<br />
Plus, things are about to get worse. My loving husband has been chosen for jury duty. So on top of everything else he has going on he gets to sit in a room and decide the fate of some poor bastard when he would much rather be making a dent in the mountain of work so that there's hope he can get home to his <i>amazing</i> wife!<br />
So here's where it gets to be about me and my panties. I have to be understanding, and patient. Loving but not needy. Supportive, and not bitchy. <br />
Ermahgerd! this is going to SUCK! Like a lot.<br />
This is where I need to channel my inner Big Girl and get to work on things I need to get done; things I don't do or put off because Doug is here and I'd much rather spend time with him than...anything. Maybe if the rain stops and the weather clears I might tackle the garage. Or even the disgusting piles that I call my desk. I could figure out how to use my scanner and organize some crap. I could figure out our budget.<br />
Truthfully this really sucks for my husband the most. Bedtime comes often before he gets home most nights. Mornings are a rushed blur. His whole family has to go on without him while he works his ass off and misses the whole thing. I hope he knows how much we miss him and how we'd much rather he was home and that I do understand that this not just all about me.<br />
I love you.<br />
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<br />Brandyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17305797281035096597noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5763781033457774915.post-67771649303121991982013-01-26T21:04:00.000-08:002013-01-29T07:53:46.764-08:00Guest PostSo this is not something I've done before. I was approached by Michele over at <a href="http://www.mommybloggerdirectory.com/" id="yui_3_7_2_1_1359435651557_4296" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"><span class="yshortcuts" id="lw_1359435753_0">http://www.mommybloggerdirectory.com/</span></a> about doing a guest blog. I sent over my post from<a href="http://timetobstrange.blogspot.com/2013/01/sometimes-being-mom-means-letting-go.html" target="_blank"> January 12th</a> and they shared it<a href="http://www.mommybloggerdirectory.com/content/sometimes-being-mom-means-letting-go" target="_blank"> here.</a> Pretty cool, huh?<br />
I was pleasantly surprised when Michele sent me back a post on the basics of coupons. You know I love my coupons!<br />
Be sure to visit Michele and see what else they have going on!<br />
<br />
<br />
<div id="yui_3_7_2_1_1359435651557_4316" style="margin-bottom: 0.2in;">
<b id="yui_3_7_2_1_1359435651557_4315">Being Creative With Coupons</b>
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As a parent, you are always looking for ways to save a little bit of
money, especially in this economy. When it comes to coupons, you may
not be like those people on the reality shows that save hundreds of
dollars each time they go to the store, you may simply just be
looking to save a couple of bucks here and there on what you buy. The
fact is, saving money is always good, no matter how much of it you
can save. If you have items that you regularly buy for the family,
you should always be on the lookout for coupons that can be used to
save you money on what you need. <br />The best thing about coupons in
this day and age is that you no longer have to clip them out of the
<a href="http://www.nj.com/deals/index.ssf/2011/10/grocery_coupons_find_more_than_1.html" id="yui_3_7_2_1_1359474758065_2278" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"><span class="yshortcuts" id="lw_1359474756_1">newspaper</span></a>
to get the savings that you need. While you can still save money by
"clipping" through your Sunday paper, most shops, and
products, have a full listing of coupons online. In most
circumstances, there isn't even a need to print anything out; you can
simply bring your Smart Phone with you to the store and present the
coupon when you check-out. <br />To find the best deals at particular
stores, download any <a href="https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=thecouponsapp.coupon&hl=en" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Apps</a>
they may offer on your phone. Typically these Apps give you access to
the latest coupons, as well as any sales that they may be offering at
the moment. In addition, if you are looking for a coupon on a
specific product that you buy a lot, check-out their company website,
as most will offer coupons through either e-mail lists or downloads.
If you are looking to save money on what you buy regularly, using the
Internet to your <a href="http://www.advantageprocessors.com/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"><span class="yshortcuts" id="lw_1359474756_2">advantage</span></a>
is always a great way to go<i> </i>Brandyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17305797281035096597noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5763781033457774915.post-73401933817279445872013-01-17T16:50:00.000-08:002013-01-17T16:51:06.404-08:00Inspiration Strikes!I've been slowly trying to decorate my house. Because I've always been a renter (and still am) I have never gotten terribly invested in decorating. Not that I am not interested in it. I could spend hours on Pinterest looking for new ideas and inspiration to make my house a little more "home". I've never done much short of tossing up some framed pictures of the kids. <br />
Lately I've really really been trying to get out of that rut and to copy some of the great ideas that I see online. We always take great family pictures, and for the most part they sit on their disc hidden away from view. A couple of weeks ago I finally got off my butt and tried my hand at making some of those great faux-canvas pictures that are all over Pinterest. I didn't follow any one blog to the letter, but found what I liked from multiple sites. All of the steps seemed basically the same. So, I gathered up my supplies and went to town. The end result was really great. The canvases are 12x12. The prints I got from Office Depot for about $4 for six 12x18 prints. If you order the architectural prints they're really cheap. Modge Podge the whole thing together and this is what you get:<br />
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Cute, right? I just wanted to do more with it. It looks great, takes up most of the large blank wall, but it's just not enough. This was still pretty simple. I knew I wanted to add one of the big initials and something else. I just wasn't sure what that <i>something </i>was. So, I've been just letting it bounce around in my head for a while and figured I'd find the perfect thing eventually. Well, I did!<br />
I have been engrossed in this blog I found recently called <a href="http://fullofgreatideas.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">Full of Great Ideas</a>. I think I must've spent 2+ hours the other night going through all the old posts and looking at all of the great ideas that she has on there. I'm honestly just floored by the creativity of others. Thank God for places like Pinterest where these amazingly crafty people can get their ideas seen by more people. Although, I'm sure I'd get much more "real" stuff accomplished without them!<br />
There was a post about a teacher gift that she made and linked to a website called <a href="http://www.wordle.net/" target="_blank">Wordle</a> that makes those great word "clouds"; a bunch of different words all jumbled together in an aesthetically pleasing way. It's super easy (and kind of addicting). You just enter in the words that you want grouped together and hit GO and ta-da! The more frequently a word is entered the larger it is on the finished product. I decided to use my wedding vows and see what I could come up with. I <i>LOVE</i> our wedding vows. I will be forever thankful for the help that we received from the reverend that performed our ceremony.<br />
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<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i><span style="font-size: x-small;">
</span></i><br />
<div class="t1" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><i><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">From today,
I will belong to you for the rest of my life. I promise to love and honor you; to give you my strength, to stand by you in joy and in sorrow, and ask
you to stand by me. I want you to share
your hopes, desires, and dreams with me.
I know that our home will be one of love and understanding. I promise to care for you when you are sick,
stand by you when times are difficult, and to share the warmth and joy of
life. I give you all my trust and all of
my tomorrows. I will grow with you as
long as I live.</span></i></span></div>
</blockquote>
Aren't they awesome?!<br />
I spent about an hour playing with Wordle and trying to get it to look just the way I wanted it to. To keep words together you have to add the ~ symbol between the words. I did this to get all~of~my~tomorrows and stand~by~you in the finished product. I added our anniversary date in a few times to make it the center of the combination. I took out the word sorrow. It came up in weird spots and I just didn't like it. This is how the finished product came out:<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_Zl-UkQ4_5a0T6twKz9vUNNH4DEFZ5EdU7xcZQlk_bFdkvwWD4XAnbueEU2aZii0adtIe32CT5j-8vUWUMg8UTrJWXHQq4J4smfoYDAN6IkLrBJoKrcgoabPT8PS67yv7lt_hffHijsE/s1600/word-page-001.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_Zl-UkQ4_5a0T6twKz9vUNNH4DEFZ5EdU7xcZQlk_bFdkvwWD4XAnbueEU2aZii0adtIe32CT5j-8vUWUMg8UTrJWXHQq4J4smfoYDAN6IkLrBJoKrcgoabPT8PS67yv7lt_hffHijsE/s1600/word-page-001.jpg" height="308" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
Now I did have to make a few adjustments to be able to save it. I printed it to the document writer, saved it to the desktop as a .xps file. Well, here's some news folks, you can't upload an .xps file to anywhere to get it printed. I couldn't figure out how to save it as any other file type (it wasn't giving me the option). So I Googled it. xps to pdf conversion. I have an image converter program that I can use to add water marks and convert files, but the whole thing didn't work. I've only used it a few times and I'm not really familiar with it. Same can be said for my Photoshop. I did it the hard way. You can actually convert directly from .xps to .jpg, but apparently I like to do things the hard way. It worked out fine when I took the file down to Office Depot to get the print (which took a whole 5 minutes). I had it printed in the architectural setting again at 18x24. It was $14. I'm not sure why it was so much this time, but still not too bad.<br />
I headed over to Joann's to get the canvas. I had initially planned on getting a 16x20, but found the 8x24 when I was there and liked that much better. I also picked up a big letter S.<br />
Surprisingly I didn't get straight to the crafting when I got home. I actually got some work done first and then worked on it. It only took about 20-25 minutes (plus about 30 minutes of drying time).<br />
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</div>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCR6W4F8-4ZYzz5CRZfooM95wmQ53rY5F2qROf4yqxvXIlZGsbTlyEbm1sL17nZ0cy-ZT4kMaIbUW2CFtuuMV3BO_KtXz9L-XFeJL-Zfh5BMOq6B6sWV7cPTMXYMvSzfTjwbrf_alNl6Q/s1600/January2013+037.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCR6W4F8-4ZYzz5CRZfooM95wmQ53rY5F2qROf4yqxvXIlZGsbTlyEbm1sL17nZ0cy-ZT4kMaIbUW2CFtuuMV3BO_KtXz9L-XFeJL-Zfh5BMOq6B6sWV7cPTMXYMvSzfTjwbrf_alNl6Q/s1600/January2013+037.JPG" height="240" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Everything I used to make the word canvas. 8x24 canvas, word print, Mod Podge, foam brush, acrylic paint for the edges, Command strips to hang the whole deal.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOZuCnv1pYL33O3YD8DRsDkZbMyYXpNkMTlNv7mlarj7BgkR1QQLySaxhXF9BXfQwrUmVHXKqJhVXm6m-FG_0rzZvgm8TAhOhHAPAf9m9rM2mAc8YGY-ggEHzQLn2MR7QetL1xNfK9TTQ/s1600/January2013+038.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOZuCnv1pYL33O3YD8DRsDkZbMyYXpNkMTlNv7mlarj7BgkR1QQLySaxhXF9BXfQwrUmVHXKqJhVXm6m-FG_0rzZvgm8TAhOhHAPAf9m9rM2mAc8YGY-ggEHzQLn2MR7QetL1xNfK9TTQ/s1600/January2013+038.JPG" height="320" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My giant S and some spray paint</td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgxi-apMpEosxIGG_NZ5YZfrzpj8vMbySqxoic7UlFhXoVdQYy8qCBfApukL4AIIeB0MspXHV25vk3e34Msl5WbX4iKCorxv2z06d9FtUWzSZLnLvB2HQd0r6iwTu4Dn9uwXhPDi_p2C64/s1600/January2013+039.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgxi-apMpEosxIGG_NZ5YZfrzpj8vMbySqxoic7UlFhXoVdQYy8qCBfApukL4AIIeB0MspXHV25vk3e34Msl5WbX4iKCorxv2z06d9FtUWzSZLnLvB2HQd0r6iwTu4Dn9uwXhPDi_p2C64/s1600/January2013+039.JPG" height="240" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Spraying on the grass. Until the sprinklers came on!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgRpOpNvWfWXJPLOjowZ6uFrfwN6-fMhFUCbbSUWcCl3L9ZkspiiYFqbyn-WqZpwHWqvWW4pZnGnpSTT2NWFKlIT6De65iWnp6u4CFCllpbrnbFRHnCaigtoTzlr5M7SUypmdPm-PCGZSs/s1600/January2013+040.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgRpOpNvWfWXJPLOjowZ6uFrfwN6-fMhFUCbbSUWcCl3L9ZkspiiYFqbyn-WqZpwHWqvWW4pZnGnpSTT2NWFKlIT6De65iWnp6u4CFCllpbrnbFRHnCaigtoTzlr5M7SUypmdPm-PCGZSs/s1600/January2013+040.JPG" height="240" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The final product! It's a little higher than I would like, but Georgie likes to stand on the back of the couch. This keeps it <i>mostly</i> out of her reach.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
So that's the finished product! I'm really happy with it. I think the wall really needs some color but we already have color on two of the other walls so it'll have to stay like this.<br />
<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilKgiP4M7vUuhdmf8c-teYxbKIIKaRHnIs3yW724GhS58lWbXlUmV0hL85zDvopYLoWTW19j_ceMANcwloC0DCL553QLhrbF_erZRZlka4g7Ex367XviQytZeOXZ4DHfeWRSoUgrazuqA/s1600/01C3E353144B9CF8079E752F8B0C5764.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilKgiP4M7vUuhdmf8c-teYxbKIIKaRHnIs3yW724GhS58lWbXlUmV0hL85zDvopYLoWTW19j_ceMANcwloC0DCL553QLhrbF_erZRZlka4g7Ex367XviQytZeOXZ4DHfeWRSoUgrazuqA/s1600/01C3E353144B9CF8079E752F8B0C5764.png" /></a></div>
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Brandyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17305797281035096597noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5763781033457774915.post-82188320584557718192013-01-12T08:16:00.000-08:002013-01-12T08:17:22.495-08:00Sometimes Being A Mom Means Letting GoThat's something I've been working on lately. And it's not easy for me.<br />
At 7:30 this morning I was outside, in the cold, letting Georgie jump on the trampoline. Still in her jammies. <i>At 7:30 in the morning! </i>After about 20 minutes I was finally able to convince her to go inside. Her fingers and nose were bright red. She was all snotty. But her eyes were bright and happy and she got out some pent up energy. She had fun. She "jumped" (bending her knees and straightening them again, while yelling JUMP!), she ran, she fell, and she giggled. It was fun for her. Truthfully it was fun for me, too. The kid is just too cute of her own good. Jumping on the trampoline at 7:30 in the morning, in jammies, is not something I would normally do. I don't know brought out this little loosening of control this morning but I'm glad I did it. <br />
I've been letting all of the kids do more lately. They all run around and do things with their friends, and enjoy themselves. It's good for them. It's what kids are <i>supposed to do! </i>But it's hard for me sometimes. Especially at a time where I am struggling with where I am. I prefer to have all the kids home. It makes me feel safe and in control to know they're here and we're all together. But I have to remember they're kids. And I'm crazy. My mom put a lot of her crazy on me and I struggle not to do that with my own kids.<br />
I have a countdown on my computer to when Krysty leaves for boot-camp. Maybe I shouldn't. Bur right now it's something I need. It's a reminder that way too soon she will be out in the world and starting her life on her own. It's a way to remind myself that time is precious. It's not always a pleasant reminder. But it is part of letting go. Your oldest child graduating high school and moving on in the world seems like such an abstract thought. Even to me. But it's not. Here and now I am working on letting go of her. Just a little. Her independence is startling sometimes. Isn't that how I raised her to be? I still catch glimpses of my little girl; I still see the child she hasn't entirely grown out of being. Those are more and more rare. More often I see the woman she is becoming. That's scary for me.<br />
I look at Georgiana and wonder how Krystyne is not that age any more. As I watch all of them in their different stages I wonder how we ever got this far. <br />
I still have so far to go. Thankfully there's five of them and maybe by the time Georgiana is where Krystyne is now I may have gotten this whole Mom thing down.<br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilKgiP4M7vUuhdmf8c-teYxbKIIKaRHnIs3yW724GhS58lWbXlUmV0hL85zDvopYLoWTW19j_ceMANcwloC0DCL553QLhrbF_erZRZlka4g7Ex367XviQytZeOXZ4DHfeWRSoUgrazuqA/s1600/01C3E353144B9CF8079E752F8B0C5764.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilKgiP4M7vUuhdmf8c-teYxbKIIKaRHnIs3yW724GhS58lWbXlUmV0hL85zDvopYLoWTW19j_ceMANcwloC0DCL553QLhrbF_erZRZlka4g7Ex367XviQytZeOXZ4DHfeWRSoUgrazuqA/s1600/01C3E353144B9CF8079E752F8B0C5764.png" /></a>Brandyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17305797281035096597noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5763781033457774915.post-69460884059537538622013-01-06T21:01:00.000-08:002013-01-06T21:01:36.488-08:00Happiness is a made bedFor all that is holy this is one of those things that just makes me happy. It's right up there with valet parking and coffee made by someone else. You'd think that I would be one of those people that makes their bed every day with the great appreciation I hold for this simple part of every day life; I'm not. But I'm working on it.<br />
I've been struggling lately with being happy. There's a restlessness and unease about me that I don't like. I love my husband, my children, and my life. There's just some external factors that weigh heavy on my head and have just made things difficult for me. But, over our Christmas vacation I was able to get some much needed rest and release a breath I hadn't realized I was holding. I've always been one to trot out the phrase "<i>If you're not happy with your life, change it</i>". I'm a firm believer in this. A life is either moving forward or becoming stagnant. If you are not happy with something change it. If you don't like the results, try something else. Like many people get, I've been caught in my own web of "this sucks". I'm stomping my feet and shouting at the heavens about how much I don't like XYZ and not making any forward momentum.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinIueLzQOtoTk4RgbAcAofPpmckavpYymF3eplkXT69F4czxRqqDwQfpAt8xtJvutJ_CkZYmc9lh4wOJBLDEJeg5Vdu0NUEhmtw9tmT5fxuZDyaU9Wc9uOh6YHob4XURzRQdlzbWRbDiI/s1600/138345019773212846_OR7ISuqM_b.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinIueLzQOtoTk4RgbAcAofPpmckavpYymF3eplkXT69F4czxRqqDwQfpAt8xtJvutJ_CkZYmc9lh4wOJBLDEJeg5Vdu0NUEhmtw9tmT5fxuZDyaU9Wc9uOh6YHob4XURzRQdlzbWRbDiI/s1600/138345019773212846_OR7ISuqM_b.jpg" /></a></div>
So I've changed my tactic. There are things I'm not happy with and can not change. There are things that I am working on that are going to take <i>time. </i>Patience is not one of my virtues. (Stop laughing, I have them!) There are things in my life that I can control. I am very affected by my surroundings. Mess makes me anxious. You couldn't tell that right off based on the normal state of my house but it's true. Right now I am striving to put my physical house back in order so that I might be able to get my mental "house" (yeah, I see it. Shut up) back to something that resembles normal. Well, normal for me. <br />
I've worked my butt off this weekend trying to restore some order in my house and my head. I've cleaned the kitchen repeatedly (the dishwasher is running for the 5th time in 2 days). I've added art and pictures to the walls. I cleaned out the cat box (totally <i>not</i> my yob man), cleaned up the dining room, done laundry, and cleaned my bedroom. Most importantly for me right now is my bed is made. I'm about to turn in for the night and I'm excited by the fact that I get to climb in a made bed. I'd be over-the-moon if the sheets were fresh but I had my limits this weekend. I did more this weekend than I have in a month. But I feel better for it. I want to continue this momentum for as long as I can. My goal is to make my bed every single day. This I can control. This makes me happy. This is what I will concentrate on, and I will<i> not</i> dwell on what I can not change and what I can not control.<br />
What is one thing that you could do every day that makes you happy?<br />
<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilKgiP4M7vUuhdmf8c-teYxbKIIKaRHnIs3yW724GhS58lWbXlUmV0hL85zDvopYLoWTW19j_ceMANcwloC0DCL553QLhrbF_erZRZlka4g7Ex367XviQytZeOXZ4DHfeWRSoUgrazuqA/s1600/01C3E353144B9CF8079E752F8B0C5764.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilKgiP4M7vUuhdmf8c-teYxbKIIKaRHnIs3yW724GhS58lWbXlUmV0hL85zDvopYLoWTW19j_ceMANcwloC0DCL553QLhrbF_erZRZlka4g7Ex367XviQytZeOXZ4DHfeWRSoUgrazuqA/s1600/01C3E353144B9CF8079E752F8B0C5764.png" /></a></div>
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<br />Brandyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17305797281035096597noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5763781033457774915.post-57382417345189375072013-01-02T17:13:00.002-08:002013-01-02T17:13:57.321-08:00Wow, It's Been a WhileI can't believe it's been 3 months since I've been here! There's been so much that has happened. And like always I've let things percolate in my head for <strike>days</strike> <strike>weeks</strike> months without doing anything about them!<br />
<br />
October was a crazy month and I guess it's just taken me this long to process it all. Truly there was about a week in there that just completely changed our lives forever. While it didn't seem so monumental at the time, looking back there was a LOT that happened in just a few short days. <br />
<br />
First, Krystyne swore into the United States Marine Corps. Yup, my daughter is going to be one of The Few and The Proud. I'm just as shocked by the whole thing as everyone else. It was a long time in getting her down to processing and (in normal military fashion) and absolute cluster-f*ck of paperwork and other reasons that kept her from swearing in. We eventually got it all under control and swear in she did. She leaves for boot camp on June 17th. Just three short weeks after her high school graduation. 164 days from today. Yes, there is a ticker on my computer and I am keeping track. Some days it's to remind me that there isn't much time left. Other days it's to remind me how little time is left.<br />
<br />
The change that she has undergone in the last three months is nothing short of miraculous. There were days when I dropped her off at the recruiters' office and double checked that they couldn't take her <i>now, like right fucking now!</i> Flippant doesn't do justice to the attitude I was getting! They promised me it would get better and it has. The transformation that I have seen in her in the last 3 months has been nothing short of miraculous. I baked a bit plate of cookies for them for Christmas and feel like I should do it once a week for what they've done for my daughter. And she hasn't even left for boot camp yet. I can't wait to see what 13 weeks in Parris Island will send back.<br />
<br />
Krysty also got her driver's license and turned 18 (in December). All in the same week. I survived. Barely. The baby that made me a mom for the very first time is a legal adult. Making very adult commitments. I'm surprised all of my hair didn't fall out. I am having some serious aging issues. If she's an adult(-ish) then I must be. Shit. I don't like it. <br />
<br />
Jane turned 13 in October, the day before Krysty swore-in. Another Mommy-Milestone I'm not quite ready for. She's turning into such a beautiful girl. She's doing great in school. She's got fantastic grades and is coming home with a ton of awards. She's doing the <a href="http://cadet.org/site/default.aspx?PageID=1" target="_blank">California Cadet Corps</a> program at her school and doing very well there, too. She's got her sights set on the military as well and is enjoying all that she is learning.<br />
<br />
The biggest life-changer of October was my dad coming to live with us. He's been battling prostate cancer for a few years now. It recently came out of remission and he's in treatment. Treatment is working now and for that I am eternally grateful. <br />
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Honestly it's been really great. My dad and I have never been close, but we have that chance now. There was a whole ton of crap from my childhood I'll not dig up here, but we just never really had a relationship. He just wasn't there. In and out as I was growing up, but never a constant. There's no anger there. It just was. I don't explore it too much, I just kind of go with it. But I do know that having this time with him now is a blessing. It also helps that I have a more than full-house and he has a touch of OCD. Coffee gets made every night before he goes to bed, and the dining table gets cleaned regularly. Seriously, who could ask for more. It's the extra set of hands I always needed combined with a chance to have my kids know my dad in a way I never was able to. Georgiana is his little buddy and it just warms my heart. Walking down the hallway and hearing Fi talking to him and finding her snuggled on his bed watching TV is priceless. The older kids are getting the chance to know him, too.<br />
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I know one day that things are going to get hard. He's going to get really sick and eventually die. And the responsibility that comes with that will fall on me. I'm OK with it. I'm living one day at a time and understanding that it will be the cost of what I have now. So for now he's my Saturday Shopping Buddy, my extra hands around the house, with the kids, and even at work. He kept me company when during the month from Thanksgiving to Christmas Doug was working late.<br />
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So as you can see things seemed to explode for about a month! Then The Holidays showed up. I'm pretty sure I didn't give the go-ahead on that. But apparently I am not the one that gets to set the schedule (who's bright idea was that?). Allie and Jane went on vacation to their dad's in Virginia for 3 weeks. Doug, me, and the remaining girls made a trip to Angels Camp, California for Christmas, and Dad opted to stay behind and wallow in the quiet for 5 days.<br />
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So, there it is. My last three months in a nutshell. I'll make my quarterly resolution to get back to blogging more often. And I'll probably be back in another three months with a recap.<br />
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<br />Brandyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17305797281035096597noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5763781033457774915.post-64341698253653938362012-10-01T14:13:00.000-07:002012-10-01T14:13:43.026-07:00Odd Silver-Like LiningI've been doing some research on kindergarten readiness lately. I know it seems a little premature, but Fiona will be 4 in about 8 weeks. The natural progression of things is that she will then turn 5 a year later and should be in kindergarten at that time. So with that thought process I <i>only</i> have a year to make sure that she's ready to start school. Less than that if she's one of those kids we all knew that started kindergarten at 4 because of when their birthday was. Plus, school starts in August around here so technically kindergarten registration is just around the corner. <br />I called the local elementary school to find out about registration and cut off dates and everything that goes with it. What I found out was surprising and a bit irritating, but with an odd silver-like lining. The cut off date for our district is November 1. What that means is that kids that turn 5 <i>before </i>November 1 can start kindergarten. After November 1 they will need to wait until the next year to start. Here's my problem with that; with that schedule Fiona would then turn 6 while still in kindergarten. That's not really that big of a deal. What is a big deal is that would mean she would be 19 when she graduated high school. What I do not want is a 19 year old senior! What I don't need is a sophomore than can drive a year ahead of all of her classmates. There's just no way that can have a good outcome. The office administrator told me that they'll be making the cut-off date even earlier next year and the year after. Holy crap people! At this rate kids won't graduate until they're 20!<br />
You have to wonder why this change is happening. I've read different articles over the last few years about the changes in kindergarten curriculum; How we now expect our kindergarteners to preform at a level that was previously thought of as first (and sometimes) second grade. Kindergarten is not for teaching the basics (letters, shapes) and leaving it up to first grade to teach reading, but is now for teaching the basics of reading, sentence writing, science, and math. Preschool used to be something rare. Now it seems the talk of all my mom-friends the second their little bundle turns two. With apparently a good reason. Unless you're an educator yourself, how can you expect to get your child ready for the expectations they will be faced with the second they hit the "real" classrooms? It seems that most daycare situations have an integrated preschool program. If you are a dual income family and have your kids in daycare the problem seems to just take care of itself.<br />
But what of the stay-at-home or work-at-home mom like me? We're expected to put out of pocket for (what seems like) a necessary (rather large) expense if our kids are going to have the skills they need when they enter the first year of their education. Or you spend hours doing research and buying curriculum to try to mitigate the cost at least a little bit. That's the path we've chosen. Thankfully Fiona seems to be a little knowledge-sponge and soaks up every bit of anything you can throw at her. Thanks to the show Dinosaur Train on PBS she can tell you facts about dinosaurs I can't remember or even spell. She knows whether or not they're herbivores, carnivores, or omnivores, and what that means! Mickey Mouse Clubhouse has taught her letters, numbers and shapes. Lots of time on<a href="http://www.abcmouse.com/" target="_blank"> www.abcmouse.com</a> has helped her with putting it all together in a way I'd never know how to teach her. We just ordered activity packs from <a href="http://www.texturedproducts.com/" target="_blank">123 Textured Products</a> for some more hands-on activities. <br />
Why are we doing this if she won't be heading to school next year? Well, here's the odd silver-like lining. When she turns 5 she will be eligible to be evaluated for kindergarten. When the child turns five they're brought into the classroom for a month and evaluated by the teacher. If the teacher feels that she knows what she needs to know and is on par with the other kids in the class she will be able to complete the rest of the school year with the rest of the kids and go into first grade the following year. For us that means getting Fiona ready in the next year is even more important than if she was just to start when her birthday dictated. If you know Fiona, you know she'll be more than ready to start at 5. Even if we did nothing. <br />As we ready one child to head out into the world, we are getting another started on her school years. Amazing.<br />
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<br />Brandyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17305797281035096597noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5763781033457774915.post-89778997930188965462012-09-10T22:00:00.001-07:002012-09-10T22:00:49.022-07:00Tonight I Am GratefulTonight I am grateful.<br />
I am grateful for the makers of Tylenol and Motrin, for giving my sick little baby girl some relief.<br />
I am grateful for my job, where I am afforded the luxury to work part time, even when that means almost not at all, because I can be here when my babies need me.<br />
I am grateful for my husband's job. Even though I wish he was home to help with the work of two sick toddlers, it is his job that allows us to have insurance for the doctor's office visit we made today.<br />
I am grateful for older children. I am amazed at how they step up and show responsibility when I need them to the most.<br />
I am grateful for the daughter who let her little sister have a "sleep-over" in her room because she understood the healing power for cuddles, a movie, and someone to love.<br />
I am grateful for recliners that let me rock my sick baby to sleep.<br />
I am grateful for the silence that has given me the opportunity to reflect. While today has been a struggle, it is not without it's value. Today I am softer. I am more understanding than I would expect of myself. Today I have been humbled by my life. When I am feeling overwhelmed or exasperated or restless I have been forced to stop and see the things in my life that matter the most to me.<br />
I am grateful for baby-drool on my shoulder. It tells me that my daughter has found enough relief to sleep. <br />
Tonight, I am grateful.<br />
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<br />Brandyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17305797281035096597noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5763781033457774915.post-38635604884913870662012-09-10T12:52:00.000-07:002012-09-10T12:52:59.380-07:00Little Georgie GraceMy poor littlest child has had a rough time of it the last week. The weekend before last she had a fever for 4 days. The highest was 104. There was nothing else wrong with her and it responded well to medicine so I left her be. Other than being hot and miserable there was nothing else going on. She eventually came out the other side of it on Wednesday and was getting back to her happy self. <br />
Thursday brought us another round of misery. Krysty was getting the little girls in the car while I grabbed my purse and came out behind them. As I get to the door Krysty is running up in a panic with an unconscious Georgiana "Mommy, she fell! She fell and hit her head!". We have a bit of a grade in our driveway and she fell. Instead of falling forward like she normally does, she fell back and hit her head on the concrete. Krysty picked her up and said she went limp in her arms. As soon as I grabbed Georgie she came to, looked a little stunned, but seemed OK. She was responding to me, even if she did look a little dazed. I called and had my mom come over right away. I opted to not go to the ER, but got into an office appointment fairly quickly (after some arguments - she LOST CONSCIOUSNESS! D'uh!). She came away fine from the exam and the doctor said to just watch her. You can sure count on that one.<br />
I can not convey the rush of emotions I felt when I first saw her in Krysty's arms. Between Krysty's panic and Georgie's lack of expression I was surprised at how well I was able to string together the thoughts I was. I did a quick inventory of where in my purse my phone was, whether or not Krysty would be able to call 911 as upset as she was, and how I was going to get Fiona out of the car and back in the house while we waited for the ambulance. All of this was in the span it took me to understand what Krysty was telling me and to take Georgiana from her. Thankfully I didn't have to use any of that "planning". Thankfully she was fine. I know that I'll still have to watch her for a long time. I'll still have to watch for signs that there was no other injury that didn't present itself straight-away is there. But, the panic was minimal and so far she's doing great. <br />
Well, sort of great. Last night the fever came back. And now there's snot. And coughing. And breathing that's a little more labored than it should be. So we'll head to the doctor's office again. Just to be sure that it's not something to be concerned about.<br />
My poor little Georgiana Grace. It's been a rough week for her. Hopefully this all clears up soon and she's back to being herself. <br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgpdiNvN43bifvH78VLWzV571LWpcThILJX4nzySp4o-EM02yESyBGucIhaBLCJz9-5R-fZRcnJevo3rCzRLSY9gu3_Nq8fJZRJiSRACA1B1OhyTs50DbgfQ9Ljffa0UfBlUWcZaz4vw2g/s1600/01C3E353144B9CF8079E752F8B0C5764.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgpdiNvN43bifvH78VLWzV571LWpcThILJX4nzySp4o-EM02yESyBGucIhaBLCJz9-5R-fZRcnJevo3rCzRLSY9gu3_Nq8fJZRJiSRACA1B1OhyTs50DbgfQ9Ljffa0UfBlUWcZaz4vw2g/s1600/01C3E353144B9CF8079E752F8B0C5764.png" /></a>Brandyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17305797281035096597noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5763781033457774915.post-64831178309751767752012-08-17T14:51:00.000-07:002012-08-17T14:51:38.957-07:00Homesick From Home<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiUS-G9v5umBlOb9KBzdjqQ7gb57IAE-QMClI0GCrbsNFEZt2eSK15eX3IORaIU7-RoncV-NLuHCNe6g60lmcnXp8AN3T80PhaJusYNGpEy3Vw-ED7Jv1spBTieDL4a7v5A4LKyeTsvBf8/s1600/The+Edge+-+Hunter+S+quote+copy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiUS-G9v5umBlOb9KBzdjqQ7gb57IAE-QMClI0GCrbsNFEZt2eSK15eX3IORaIU7-RoncV-NLuHCNe6g60lmcnXp8AN3T80PhaJusYNGpEy3Vw-ED7Jv1spBTieDL4a7v5A4LKyeTsvBf8/s320/The+Edge+-+Hunter+S+quote+copy.jpg" width="320" /></a>"Back Home" is a phrase used by geographically transplanted individuals when speaking about their home-town. But what do you say when you've finally moved back home and it, well... isn't? <br />
It's been more than a year and I find that I'm still struggling to feel settle in. I think my biggest problem is that I still haven't branched out very much socially. I want to. I really do. I have plans to. But I just haven't gotten there yet. I have the time. Well, I could make the time. I could use the time I currently use as my Me time to do something that might actually be beneficial to me. Of course that would make normal, logical, rational sense. I don't want to go doing too much of that now.<br />
It's funny that I never saw my life in Bonney Lake evolving into what it became. It just sort of happened. I did what grown ups are supposed to do. I moved into a crappy apartment, I got a job, I met a man, we moved to the suburbs, got married, had a baby and even bought a goddamn minivan! My family was good, my friends were fantastic, and I was happy. My husband's job was having issues so we transferred.<br />
And now here we are and everyone else is happy. My husband is rockin' it at work, Krysty's a cheerleader, Allie's in band, Jane's in Cadet Corps <i>and</i> band, and the little girls are too little for it to really matter just yet. But me? I'm still feeling lost. I'm still feeling like I've been stuck in this alien world that is, unfortunately, all too familiar. I've made a couple local friends. I'm on the board for the boosters. We're at all the football games and all the concerts and activities but I just don't feel a part of it like I did in Bonney Lake. And I know that I'm not. And I know that it's my own damn fault. What I don't know, is how to get past this. How to actually get out there and do what I know intellectually I need to go do. If I was counseling a friend I would tell them to quit being such a baby and just get out there and do it.<br />
But that's scary. And so I sequester myself in my house and obsess. Over everything. Every. Thing. I'm sure I'm making my husband question my sanity (in a different way than he normally does). I'm pretty tightly wound under normal circumstances. At this stage I'm pretty much wired for sound at any given moment. I'd like to think that I'm doing better than I ever have in this type of situation. I think the fact that I recognize it and can almost string a intelligent thought together about it is a huge step forward. It's not always been this easy. <br />
Social networking definitely doesn't make the whole thing easier. While it's great for keeping in touch with everyone you never had time to keep up with before (and some you really wish you could step away from but can't look away from the train-wreck), it's hard to pull yourself away and find the company of real people. For people like me, highly social yet socially anxious, it's an excuse that keeps us from getting out and making new connections.<br />
So I'm working on it. And missing everyone so very, very, <i>very</i> much. I wish I could go back. I want my family to have the happiness they have here and for me to have the hapiness I had there. The only real solution is to get out there and make it for myself. It's going to be a long hard road. But I'll get there. Thankfully I have some really great friends and Facebook to help me get through it.<br />
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<br />Brandyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17305797281035096597noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5763781033457774915.post-91778120521654285972012-08-15T09:57:00.000-07:002012-08-15T09:58:31.257-07:00The New Normal<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqkoGcUrgExmdZdeORMF1bRLRmHY4CtPH4e0WxMcg87YJ2yIkdy3Yq65aqC7D_IyEgE8aCiXKl7CpuSgUEn_MRG7qQ0XEM2kWXBFZi9cG1m0rFawUWioyJqTkQg-gOayxzrplXLDXx234/s1600/funny-dog-pictures-stays-in-bed.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqkoGcUrgExmdZdeORMF1bRLRmHY4CtPH4e0WxMcg87YJ2yIkdy3Yq65aqC7D_IyEgE8aCiXKl7CpuSgUEn_MRG7qQ0XEM2kWXBFZi9cG1m0rFawUWioyJqTkQg-gOayxzrplXLDXx234/s320/funny-dog-pictures-stays-in-bed.jpg" width="246" /></a>Well, the older girls are officially back in school and the chaos has begun! With three kids in school balancing everything gets pretty tricky as it is. Add two toddlers into the mix and it's a little more challenging. Plus the fact that we're dealing with two different schools. Oh, and four different activities for the three kids. Like I said, chaos.<br />
Krystyne made varsity cheer this year. We're really excited for her. She's wanted to be a cheerleader since she was little. I'm glad that she's able to make this a part of her senior year. For her this means practice every day after school until 5:30. Once football games start she'll be at all of the home games, a couple of away games and who knows what else. She's got fundraisers and practices and all kinds of other things.<br />
Allie is back in marching band this year. She practices three times a week until 5, and again, once football season starts that's where you'll find her, too. At least that puts her and Krystyne in the same spot! But marching band for Allie means Boosters for me and Doug. I'm the Booster Treasurer this year and that's a pretty time consuming deal on its own. Soon we'll start with tournaments most Saturdays and figuring out how to make all that work out. With the little girls getting bigger it will be harder to have them in tow for these things.<br />
Jane is in middle school this year. She's started in band as well. Thankfully no marching! But, there are parent meetings and performances to go to. She also joined the <a href="http://www.cadet.org/site/default.aspx?PageID=1" target="_blank">California Cadet Corps</a>. It's a JROTC type program. Since she has a plan to join the military after high school this will be good for her. Plus it gives her more of the structure that she needs. It's another thing that will mean finding space and juggling already crazy schedules. But if she's enjoying it, it is definitely worth it. She also attends the after school program every day until 5:45. It's just an activities program put on by the YMCA, but it gives them homework time and organized activities that keep them busy after school. She can walk home most days (when the weather is something closer to reasonable) and it saves me a trip. I'm really excited for this year for her. She's got a lot on her plate but I think she'll do really well. <br />
This whole thing leaves me and the little girls to our own devices until at least 5, three days a week. Tuesdays and Fridays Allie gets home around 3 so I need to figure out how to adjust my own schedule accordingly. Once football season really starts we'll be at the games on Friday nights. If I can figure out a schedule during the day for me and the little girls I think things will go more smoothly. I'm thinking park trips in the morning and working after lunch while they nap (once the weather breaks to under 100!). I've been getting little spurts of stuff done. Nothing that is a major accomplishment, but lots of little things. That's most of my days anyway, so at least I feel like I'm making progress. <br />
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<br />Brandyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17305797281035096597noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5763781033457774915.post-57913636610073934952012-07-31T21:52:00.002-07:002012-07-31T21:53:12.026-07:00I Actually Made Something From Pinterest!I know! I was shocked, too! I've managed to dwindle down my Pinterest time to something a little less embarrassing lately. It's usually where I spend time when I've refreshed Facebook 8 times already and it seems no one is up to anything more and I'm stuck on hold with an insurance company. In my wandering the other day I found a recipe for DIY coffee creamer. We're big coffee junkies here. I like my coffee sweet and creamy; usually just *this* side of a latte. Coffee creamer is expensive since I've stopped couponing and I'm always looking for recipes to make my own <i>anything. </i>Not that I actually make most of it, but I still want to know that I can should a magic fairy ever come down and suddenly make my chaos something less time consuming.<br />
I found a recipe that seemed simple enough - equal parts sweetened condensed milk and milk or milk substitute (almond milk at my house), and some flavoring (I used coffee syrup). D'uh. Even I could do that! And I actually did! I need to be careful I don't pull something with all the back patting I'm doing. <br />
Now the original <a href="http://www.mrshappyhomemaker.com/2011/09/french-vanilla-coffee-creamer.html" target="_blank">blog</a> has all these fancy pictures and stuff. Had I thought of it as I was making it or was that fancy-pants enough I might have done something similar. But, if you've been here more than once you know something like that doesn't really happen all that often. <br />
End result? Awesome! Love it! Total cost for 20oz was $1.85. That's all I spent on the condensed milk. I had the almond milk and the flavor syrup already. I used the sugar-free caramel syrup and added some cinnamon. Of course I had to make myself a cup to try it out right away. Yummy!<br />
I will say that I could taste the "milk" in the first few sips. I'm not a fan of milk and neither is my tummy in any kind of high concentration, but this seems to be OK. After the initial taste it was gone and I don't notice it. Certainly not for the lactose intolerant or anyone with milk allergies. I just find the stuff nasty and since I don't drink it and use a rather small amount of dairy other than for cooking I noticed the taste.<br />
This is one of those recipes for something I could just as easily buy in the store that I think I'll keep using. Making your own convenience foods isn't always worth the effort, but this definitely is!<br />
I better head to bed so I can get up and have more coffee (and) creamer...<br />
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<br />Brandyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17305797281035096597noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5763781033457774915.post-64815705092289400292012-07-25T16:45:00.000-07:002012-07-31T21:53:43.839-07:00Over-Sensitive Much?I'm generally pretty easy going. And by that I mean I don't offend easily. Everyone is entitled to their opinion and even if I don't agree that's OK. I'm a big girl and I can deal with it. You're obviously an idiot because you don't see it my way but we don't all have to agree all the time. Let's just agree to disagree (and I'll be Judgy McJudgerson in my head. Mostly.)<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjt2eBwCMz0aLHPc9-Ybgjuk8PCOwvWwvypiMnAFh9X8-YK6jyzjv2LViymEOeZs-pYPmo0lJhKaplIx_t5Q9y7JIi6J9GdTl_SxAtR4i0gM6WP0Kv_j4NwQaGo__C8aofMim9mTHSNEkA/s1600/cmofMedusa04th1-300x300.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjt2eBwCMz0aLHPc9-Ybgjuk8PCOwvWwvypiMnAFh9X8-YK6jyzjv2LViymEOeZs-pYPmo0lJhKaplIx_t5Q9y7JIi6J9GdTl_SxAtR4i0gM6WP0Kv_j4NwQaGo__C8aofMim9mTHSNEkA/s320/cmofMedusa04th1-300x300.jpg" width="320" /></a>There is one point when I am not entirely rational. I call it the Mock-Single-Mom. When a happily married, healthy relationship having (usually a SAHM) woman has husband or other significant other that is for whatever reason not home for more than a few nights. Sometimes it's a week or two. And then the comments start. "So done being a single-mom" or "God I hate doing the single-mom thing". It sends me into a rage. It's not rational. I get it. I totally understand 100% what is being said and the message that is trying to be conveyed. I do. Doing shit on your own when you normally have a loving, helpful, understanding partner in your life that is suddenly not there to do the shit that you need them to do for days on end blows. What do you mean I have to take out the garbage? ALL THE WAY TO THE CURB?!?! But that's <i>his</i> job. Insert feet stomping and pouting. Explaining to a toddler why Daddy can't give kisses because he's in Cleavland on business is hard (and almost overwhelmingly heartbreaking). When there's no way to tap-out of the monumental fit that's being thrown or the referee to come in when you're trying to decide if you can lock them in the dog kennel without the neighbors noticing for like 20 minutes, life does kind of suck. It's hard. Parenting is a two person gig. It really is. That's why it takes two people to make babies. You need two people for the whole process. And having that person you've come to depend on suddenly not be there when you really need them to be sucks. Especially on those days when he walks through the door and you yell 1-2-3 NOT IT! And run to grab a <strike>glass</strike> bottle of wine. They're <i>supposed to</i> be there. D'uh.<br />
But they're not. Shit.<br />
I guess my problem is that I take this comment personally. And I don't usually take shit personally; but this gets me every time. I've been a single mom. Being a single mom sucks rancid monkey balls. Especially in the first year (I wasn't really single much longer than that so that's what I know. I'm pretty sure it goes on no matter how long you're single). There is no one else. Even if you do have awesome family (I didn't) and even more awesome friends (I did) it's still all on you. ALL OF IT. All of the time. And no matter the custody situation, when it's your turn you're on your own. All of that worrying you do late at night, whispering your fears and insecurities to your husband in the dark? That's all on you. There's no one to whisper back that you're really doing OK and you're not fucking up your kids so bad they'll never forgive you. You fall asleep most nights exhausted trying to figure out how to make it all work out. There are good an happy times, because you have to make sure that there are. But for you, these times are peppered with guilt and frustration and regret that you couldn't make it better because it's <i>just you. </i>Every parenting insecurity you ever had is hovering just outside your peripheral. All. The. Time. The times when you think you're going to do it are there; when you're confident and think everything might just be OK after all. And then someone has a meltdown, or throws up at school, or, or, or, or, or... and there's no back up. You realize just what the "single" part of single-parent means on a visceral level. <br />
I think I take this so personally is because, for me, my divorce and decision to become a single-mom was the <i>biggest failure of my life.</i> I don't for one moment regret my decision. I don't think that there was anything that I could have done that would have saved my first marriage. However, I know in my heart that I did not do everything in my power to try to make it better. I could have fought harder. I could have tried 100 different things, but I didn't. I see it as a personal failure. It was my marriage and it failed. Therefore, I failed. My ex-husband was an asshole of galactic proportions. He'll admit to that. When we failed, I failed. There is no one on this earth that will ever convince me differently.<br />
This is my personal demon and it's hard to hear someone be flip about something that caused me so much pain. I know there is no malice in the hearts of my friends when they use this. It's a simple turn-of-phrase. These women are my <i>friends!</i> These are the women I turn to when I need to bitch about Doug not taking out the garbage - again. Or the size of my ass, or the gray hair I pulled out of my head, or any of another million little (and big) things I love my friends for. <br />
I said I know this isn't rational. This is my issue. This is my crazy. So ladies, if I bite your head off, or leave a snippy comment, or don't guffaw at something obviously hilarious it's OK. We all have our shit, and this is just some of mine.<br />
When your husband comes home, love him. Hug him. Put a little extra effort into whatever may need it so that you never have to stop bitching about being a single-mom because you're too busy actually being one. <br />
With all my love,<br />
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<br />Brandyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17305797281035096597noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5763781033457774915.post-8622675184882961182012-07-18T10:01:00.001-07:002012-07-18T10:01:56.132-07:00Getting Ambitious!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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So I'm getting a little ambitious around here. While I'm not concentrating on much that I'm should be doing and I didn't spend any more than <i>ten whole minutes</i> on this I'm rather proud of it anyway. I planted tomatoes. The hope is that they'll love this warm California sunshine and thrive; giving us fresh and yummy tomatoes.<br />
I was inspired during my visit to Wisconsin to see my best friend, Michelle. She and her husband have this great garden where they're growing most of their own produce for the summer. I had some of the best tasting veggies while I was there. I'm so jealous. While I would love to have the <i>amazing</i> garden they have I know that's not realistic. I don't have the space or the attention span. I've tried very unsuccessfully to grow tomatoes when we lived in Washington. I felt a little better about it because the people with the amazing gardens didn't have a whole lot of luck either. Washington just doesn't get enough heat or sun, even in the prime of summer, to produce good tomatoes. After doing a little research I found that it is possible to grow tomatoes here year-round. I feel better that I don't have to try and sneak in planting during some plant-season-window that I couldn't find with a GPS!<br />
I think that Fiona will love to watch the plants grow and seeing that food we buy in the store actually comes from something other than the large bins we pick them from. Maybe she can help me with them. There's no way she could do any worse than I will! We'll see how excited she is when she comes home from day care today. <br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEguYVffftqYobJAboXHWp2jmaTj7MnWJlIC2p234j1nWhcAY6jXliXTgdTQhBD_l4U7TTCPWgCeyLoPlh-6tqPYn-tRPcawrkNTx86hUAuGLg0Gu8eAs716Y2LRlnSBy-Daq2-AN5en6Ms/s1600/IMG_1742.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEguYVffftqYobJAboXHWp2jmaTj7MnWJlIC2p234j1nWhcAY6jXliXTgdTQhBD_l4U7TTCPWgCeyLoPlh-6tqPYn-tRPcawrkNTx86hUAuGLg0Gu8eAs716Y2LRlnSBy-Daq2-AN5en6Ms/s320/IMG_1742.jpg" width="320" /></a>So here are my budding tomato plants I picked up at Walmart for $4 each. I spent $25 on the whole set-up; plants, pots, soil, and cages. Hopefully I won't be posting about my poor dead tomato plants in a month or so. Fingers crossed. There's so much garden stuff I would like to do, but this is me and while I can dream big, I don't always have great follow through. Not for lack of trying or willingness, mostly for lack of time. I'll be moving these over to the other side of the yard later so that they get hit with the sprinklers and I don't really have to even think about them. I'm going with the theory that the less I do to them, the happier they will be. Keep a look out in a month or so. We should either have great, ripe, yummy tomatoes, or dead plants in the garbage. <br />
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<br />Brandyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17305797281035096597noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5763781033457774915.post-17940315003319436072012-07-17T19:00:00.000-07:002012-07-18T10:02:25.619-07:00What's All This Time?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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For some reason I've managed to have <strike>extra</strike> <strike>bonus</strike> unproductive time the last few days. The girls have been keeping chores (mostly) done and the house isn't falling down around me. Yesterday there were NO DIRTY DISHES IN THE SINK! And the dishwasher wasn't full. Whuck? How the hell did that happen? No idea. You know what? Don't care. It happened. There's laundry that needs to be done but it's somehow magically confined to the hamper. Like there's dirty clothes <i>inside</i> the hamper! Usually there's clean clothes inside the hamper and dirty clothes, well, everywhere. Not right now. Nope. Don't care how that happened either. I could even vacuum my bedroom floor if I was so inclined (which I'm not - in case you were wondering). <br />
The first person to mention it's only Tuesday gets punched in the face. <br />
I've even managed to get something close to what resembles "caught up" at work. That means I have accounts I should follow up on, but I'm not getting bitched at about them and all the daily crap is done.<br />
I have a ton of stuff that I could be doing. The garage needs to be cleaned out. The laundry could use a couple loads done. I could work more. But I'm not gonna. I'm enjoying the down time. I'm having fun playing with the babies, planning to shuttle the older girls, and hanging around on Facebook. Hell, I've even managed to get on here more than I have in the last 3 months! So I'm enjoying the time.<br />
Next week I'll be back in full-force-chaos and getting things accomplished. But this week is mine. This time is mine. And if I want to squander it I will. I'll be wondering where all the time went later.<br />
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<br />Brandyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17305797281035096597noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5763781033457774915.post-31671516985293279142012-07-16T09:45:00.000-07:002012-07-16T09:45:16.794-07:00I'm BAAAAACK!So I've decided to come on back over to blogger. It's easier. For some reason having the website seems like work. And I don't like work. Especially work I don't get paid for. And while it's not really all that hard to post there, there just seems to be something different... something missing there that has kept it from being what I had here. I'll keep the website up and running and probably link the blog posts from here until I just don't anymore. When I think of it - if I think of it. This seems like extended Facebook posts, with the website I feel like if I'm not putting out something well thought out and coherent then I'm doing it wrong. Me, well thought out and coherent? Yeah, not so much.<br />
The last year has been a whirlwind I'd rather not experience again. And while I am working slowly on getting my balance back I find that the soothing act of just writing has lost some of its flow. Things here are in full swing of chaos-induced-normalcy. I feel like a storm chaser most days; Like I'm trying desperately to make sense of some raging act of God that is more random and harder to predict than the current power-ball numbers. <br />
So here I am again. I can't wait to see what happens next.<br />
BrandyBrandyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17305797281035096597noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5763781033457774915.post-19017391741685122592012-05-29T08:36:00.000-07:002013-05-05T08:38:54.424-07:00Blended but Not Quite SmoothHaving a blended family is not what one would call easy. Most of the
time things run without a hitch. Then there are the other times.<br />
When Doug and I got together and decided that we wanted to make this
thing permanent we did so with eyes wide... squinted, really. A new
relationship always comes with its own baggage. We both did. Having been
married before we came together with a lot of our own issues. We both
spent time making the other pay for sins that weren't theirs and through
trial, error, and a whole lot of miscommunication managed to get past
it. I am not She and he is not Him and we've managed to go down that
road fairly smoothly. A decade or so worth of conditioned responses did
not always have the outcome that was expected. We learned and we grew
and our relationship is stronger for it. <br /><span>The biggest
difference we had was children. I came into this with three children
and 12 years of parenting experience behind me. Being young, and for a
good portion of the stretch, on my own, I had done things a certain way
without interference. Mine was a tightly run ship with no margin for
error.</span> It was my way or the Gypsies - you pick. I learned
quickly as a single mother that there was no room for complacency. In
two parent households you can run the good cop/bad cop in a somewhat
alternating fashion without running into a loss of control. When there
is only one cop the game changes and you must be one all of the time or
risk a reign of chaos you can not get a handle on. A common saying
became "What I say, when I say it, the way I say it". Without such
strict order all could be lost. Let's face it, I was (and still am)
outnumbered. This was met with a mix of shock and awe. I got comments
that ranged from "I'm amazed at your strength - good job. Glad you're
not my mom!" to "Your parenting makes us uncomfortable, do you think
you're too hard?". Most days I am secure in my parenting choices. I
only need to watch my children in any public or social situation to know
I did the right thing. Bad behavior was punished swiftly and fiercely,
and the results are evident. Other days I am wracked with Mommy-Guilt.
<br /><span>In walks this man willing to step in and step up without
qualms of taking on three children not of his making. He quietly and
unceremoniously steps in to help lighten the load. I warned him. I tried
to disillusion him to the joys of this family that he was about to make
and I was met with a patience that I hadn't known existed. Mine was a
world of chaos and he sought to bring order and balance to the control I
had such a tenuous death-grip on. And ever so slightly, I let go. Sort
of. </span><br /><span>We made Mine into Ours and then added two more
little humans into the mix. I'd like to say it all runs smoothly. I'd
give my new boobs to be able to say that we have become this cohesive
unit that runs as if it was always this way, but it's not. When I
started dating again I refused to date men with children. All of the
reasons, all of the fears, and all of the struggles I was unwilling to
deal with are becoming a reality in my own home. It took five years for
these to be vocalized to me. I am at a loss. </span><br /><span>The
biggest problem we are running into is a disparity in the way the older
girls respond to us. They often will ask who they think will give the
best answer. Can I go, can I have, is not asked of who is more
convenient or available. This is something that all parents deal with. I
did it as a teenager. I know Doug did, too. But there is a wound there
that will not allow this explanation to be a salve. </span><br /><span></span>Then there is the attitude. First, let me say, these are <span style="font-style: italic;">teenage GIRLS!</span>
Attitude is everything. And without it I'm pretty sure there would be a
irreparable rift in the universe that would cause the earth to implode.
The vacuum created by the lack of exaggerated sighs alone could cause
satellites to suddenly fall from their orbits. Unfortunately the issues
lies in the girls giving Doug an attitude that they would never dream of
giving me. But without the 12 years of previous dictatorship under his
belt it's difficult to be on a level playing field. I'm sure it's the
same attitude that teachers, coaches, and other authority figures get.
But detention, benching, or privilege-revoking are not the deterrents
that a lifetime of ingrained obedience is. I believe their response to
me vs other authority figures is muscle memory. In the same way I may
learn to be fluent in another language, at this point in my life I will
never learn to think in Icelandic. I will always think in English first
and respond in Icelandic in a probably less than ideal way. This is how
the girls respond with Doug. This isn't fair. But I don't know how to
change it. I struggle - we struggle. <br /><span>I am not without my own
fault in this. I tend to step in when I shouldn't. I make decisions
without consulting and just generally take over when I really should
step back. I know this is not a struggle I make alone. I'm sure this is a
commonality everyone with a blended family wishes we didn't share. All
I can do is try to be conscious of this and do the best I can to make
it easier on all of us. </span><br /><span>I hope my husband can continue
to be patient with me. I hope my children listen when I try to explain
this to them. One way or another, it will all work out. I only hope
it's for the best. </span><br />Brandyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17305797281035096597noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5763781033457774915.post-44464626266975460912012-04-19T08:41:00.000-07:002013-05-05T08:45:26.025-07:00From Baby Booties to Yellow Footprints<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj7Nk0uBIQRxfbBaMjDZK4cB7q_arn7BTytXCI9s5u8n3_hxsLhQAbSjYNGH7XIWNp7nz-km1C5cEQF28ZnIH35NTGn-qIxpIttyyAEtQU3Ma0sZpI4-GMmdCXcLy72rwCKNbbeQ3GPk4k/s1600/9052929_orig.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj7Nk0uBIQRxfbBaMjDZK4cB7q_arn7BTytXCI9s5u8n3_hxsLhQAbSjYNGH7XIWNp7nz-km1C5cEQF28ZnIH35NTGn-qIxpIttyyAEtQU3Ma0sZpI4-GMmdCXcLy72rwCKNbbeQ3GPk4k/s1600/9052929_orig.jpg" /></a></div>
Monday was a big day. Krystyne decided that she would enlist in the
United States Marine Corps. To say we couldn't be more proud of her
doesn't seem like enough. <br /><span>She took her ASVAB (Armed Services
Vocational Aptitude Battery) last month and got her scores back a couple
of weeks ago. She did pretty well. I've always talked to the girls
about joining the military. I am not a big believer in parents paying
for college. It's great if you can, but I think a higher education is a
privilege. If you want to go to college you're going to have to work
for it. I've always stressed to my girls that if they want to go to
college their best option was to join the military. If they join they go
to school for "free". Yes, they have to work. Yes, they could
potentially be put in some less than safe/ideal situations. But, the
military will pay for your education as long as you are enlisted. I've
explained that I would not be able or willing to pay for their college
education. So, better to put on a uniform they can be proud of, go to
work, and get your school paid for. It's either that or put on a
McDonald's uniform, go to work, and <span style="font-style: italic;">hope</span> you can pay for school. Even if they don't want to go to college join anyway. No one else is going to provide you with a job <span style="font-style: italic;">and </span>food and a place to live. It's a good option kid, and unless you can come up with something better ...</span><br /><span>So
after taking her ASVAB and getting the scores back we took a trip to
the recruiters' office. We had talked about it for a long time and there
really wasn't any preference from one branch to the other. Monday the
Army guys had PT (physical training); we talked to the Navy who said
that </span>they couldn't do anything until she was officially a senior.
That left the Marine Corps. We went in and talked to the nice Staff
Sargent there. She laid it all out for Krystyne. She basically explained
all that she would be getting out of her service. Not only money for
school, but pride in herself and personal accomplishment. She showed her
the money - which isn't much - but when you're looking at that or
minimum wage at McDonald's and living at home it seems like the damn
lotto! I was impressed with the questions Krystyne asked and the
answers she gave to questions asked of her. She had real reasons that at
some point she had been thinking about. Her "future" was not just some
magical-mystical thing that we we always bothering her about, it had
become something she was actively thinking about and really figuring out
what that was going to look like. <br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhrAEqM6jan8i6KtlGoVfODVsaVbHRrcmFO3xxR8hbCjL0XCI_2EJCTwZFpXzTG1VBNFXrbkTjYqhJHQPpzX_dfhce-Uw6od7vBQw2kYAcc3cLWKxT08zpMPLo10dXOkgQ6Gwfhor_7-wI/s1600/751865.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhrAEqM6jan8i6KtlGoVfODVsaVbHRrcmFO3xxR8hbCjL0XCI_2EJCTwZFpXzTG1VBNFXrbkTjYqhJHQPpzX_dfhce-Uw6od7vBQw2kYAcc3cLWKxT08zpMPLo10dXOkgQ6Gwfhor_7-wI/s1600/751865.jpg" /></a><span>When the recruiter asked
her if she was willing to make the commitment to the Marine Corps I held
my breath. I wasn't expecting a solid answer. She's 17. But when she
said "Yes, I do" I had to contain myself and not cry (and I didn't - yay
me!). That was one of those defining life moments. The ones you can
point at and say "My Life Changed In" kind of moments. That was the most
adult decision she has ever made. And I am PROUD! The best part is she
is proud of herself. </span><br /><span>In two weeks she leaves for her
medical processing. Two days spent seeing every kind of doctor there is
to make sure she is fit for military service. I'm scared to death. I
think this will be my normal state from here on out - the new hum in the
background. Your children growing up and moving out is always going to
happen. You know it. You live with it and sometimes look forward to it.
But now there is a looming date; or there will be soon.</span><br /><span>In
just over a year I will be putting my little girl on a plane and I will
get back a Marine. She will stand on the yellow footprints of Parris
Island, SC and finish the transition from child to adult - she will
begin the transition from civilian to Marine. </span><br /><span>DEAR LORD! </span><br /><span>I
have started my research. It's what I do when faced with any unknown. I
read. I look up. I read some more. I look at books, and blogs, and
chats, and message boards. I talk to everyone I can think of or find.
This is the most unknown for me. When I send her off I will not be able
to go with her. I will not be there to help her and offer her strength
that she will need more than any time in her life. So from now until
then I have to give her all that I can. I have to arm her with the most
information I can cram in her pretty little head. I have to help
strengthen her body. I have to tell her, show her and remind her every
day that no matter what I will be there in her heart. I have to stop
friggin' crying every time I think about this. I downloaded the <a href="http://www.mcrdpi.usmc.mil/ParentsGuide.pdf" target="_blank" title="">Family Guide to Parris Island</a></span>. It's an 11 page PDF that is a very basic walk through of what they should expect and what we, as parents, should and should <span style="font-style: italic;">not</span>
do. I cried through the whole thing. I looked up the books they suggest
and will be ordering them. And I cried sitting on Amazon thinking of
the books about Marine life that I will be ordering for my daughter. I
sit here writing this and I have had to stop to wipe tears at least a
dozen times. <br /><span>I will keep this updated with what's going on in this amazing journey as I see it and work through it. </span><br /><span>One
day soon I will be able to stand proud and say "I raised a United
States Marine". Today I stand proud and say I am raising Krystyne. </span><br /><span></span><br />
<br />Brandyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17305797281035096597noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5763781033457774915.post-73610769566644031712012-04-11T08:46:00.000-07:002013-05-05T08:47:32.499-07:00Time to RefocusI've been restless lately. I've been trying to figure out what's been
causing it and trying to figure out how to fix it. What I've figured out
is I've not been taking enough time for myself. Not just quiet coffee
time or time to relax, but no time to do anything for Me.<br />
When you're up to your eyeballs in kids and work and home and and and
and... you tend to let your self get lost in the shuffle. I've decided
that the time I don't take for myself is just causing more chaos.
There's no time to get my head on straight. There's no focus. There's no
chance to see that everything is not falling apart when I feel like I
am. <br /><span>I am very lucky. I have a husband who understands how
important this is. When he comes home at the end of the day and all the
kids are alive and well the fact that the house is a mess, dinner is
still only an idea I had once goes fairly unnoticed. I've managed to
pass the laundry on to him and the bulk of the chores in the house to
the kids, yet I still feel like I'm not accomplishing anything in a day.
Fiona is in daycare full time. Where is my focus? I should have it all
together and I don't. It's been bothering me. I've struggled getting
everything done. I've struggled keeping my emotions in check. I've just
been locked in chaos and trying to figure out how to get out of this
spiral. </span><br /><span>So I decided it's time to refocus my attention
back on myself. We've been here for about nine months now and I really
haven't made many friends. </span>I sent email requests to some Meetup groups. Time to dive back into the Mommy-Group-Circut. While I had a <span style="font-style: italic;">really</span>
bad first experience in the setting I was able to turn it around and
met some of the most amazing women. I miss my circle of friends and the
comfort they provided. I enrolled everyone in the local YMCA and have
only once used the facilities. It's time to kick it up a notch. I've
lost a good amount of weight since we've been in California but it's
time to actually get myself in shape. We have a pool and I want to be
able to use it without embarrassment. I want to be able to look at
pictures of gatherings where I <span style="font-style: italic;">thought</span> I looked awesome when I left the house and not wonder how I gained 10lbs between the house and the car! <br /><span>My
belief is that if I can focus more on myself then I can be a better
mommy and a better wife. If I concentrate on the woman then I can more
adeptly handle the tasks my family need me to. I don't believe in
putting everyone's needs above my own because then they are not getting
the best of me. I think every woman/mother/wife should make sure her
needs are met so she is better equipped to deal with the needs of her
family. And yet I'm failing to do that myself. </span>So here I go. Head first into caring for ME. Into being better to myself. I need to figure out specific goals. <br /><span>What would you do if you could?</span> Where would your personal work-shop start? What is something important to you that you let get lost in the shuffle?Brandyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17305797281035096597noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5763781033457774915.post-40541513440335692012-04-04T08:48:00.000-07:002013-05-05T08:49:49.034-07:00Long Time No SeeI can't believe how long it's been since I've been here. It seems that life has gotten in the way of writing about life. <br /><span>We've
settled into the new house - sort of. I still need to get pictures on
the walls and the kitchen (more) organized but for the most part we're
settled. </span><br /><span>The girls are doing fantastic. They keep me running most days. But I love it . </span><br />
Recently the older girls and I took a trip to Las Vegas to visit with
my friend Daniel. It was a much needed vacation and break from routine.
During dinner we had a great conversation about life and what we're
doing and where we're going. What our goals are and what we're dreaming
about. I mentioned something about getting a "real job" once Fiona and
Georgiana are school age. We talked about what ideas I have and what I
want to do. Honestly it's not really all that amazing. There's no real
life-dream thing that I want to do. I felt foolish at 35 still having
the "I-don't-know-what-I-want-to-do-with-my-life" conversation. I love
this blog (not that you can tell from the amount I post or anything)
and I'd love to take up photography with some kind of seriousness.
Baking has always been something I enjoyed and we once toyed with the
idea of owning a bakery. But, for the most part, I don't have much of a
Bucket List. (My Lord I'm boring!)<br />This conversation was something
that really bothered me. I percolated in my brain for the rest of the
night and well into the next day. The thought that came back time and
time again was "I have all I want". But there has to be more... Doesn't
there? The more I thought about it the more I realized that no, what I
have and where I am is enough. I have FIVE beautiful, healthy, and fun
kids. Five. I have a husband that adores me. Even when he shouldn't -
let's be honest, I'm kind of a pain in the ass. I have a house I love
(with a pool!), enough money to manage, a running vehicle, food on the
table, clothes in the closet. I am able to give my kids what they need -
love, attention, discipline, full bellies. I am content. <br />When I
was growing up things were not ideal. My parents all had issues that
didn't leave much room for me. At times I'm angry. At times I'm
resigned. For the most part I've come to understand that my parents are
human and even though I had to suffer through their mistakes it was no
fault of mine. I knew early on that I did not want to make the same
mistakes with my children that were made with me and I feel like I've
done a pretty good job on that. Not that I haven't made mistakes. I'm
far from perfect, but I feel like I've done my absolute best with my
children. And the older I get and the more experience as a mother I
have the better I feel about what I'm doing. <br /> My point in this is
that I had the realization that I AM doing what I love. I am living
the dream, so to speak. What I will do when the littlest girls are
finally in school and I have the time and attention span for a "real
job" when the time comes is still up in the air. I have ideas. I have
things that I think I could do for the next 25 years. But the time for
decisions is not now. Now I get to enjoy this dream "job" that I have.
It's not easy, there's no days off, there's no sick-days and the pay
sucks; but they benefits are nothing short of extraordinary!<br /> I am
making a point to get back here regularly to update and write and use
the part of my brain that this satisfies more often. I miss it.I hope
that I haven't lost both of the people that stop by to see what's going
on and peek in my virtual medicine cabinet. <br /> Remember to count your blessings and realize that you may be closer to living the dream than you think you are. <br /><br /><span></span>Brandyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17305797281035096597noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5763781033457774915.post-69082224385673947682012-01-16T08:50:00.000-08:002013-05-05T08:51:13.329-07:00On The MoveWell, we're at it again. Moving. Ugh. I could really do without it but
it's one of those necessary evils. When we first moved down to
California for Doug's job we moved into my aunt's rental house. It's a
great little house. But it's a little house. Of course most things are
for a family of our size... <br />
We wanted to have our dog, Maggie, back and my aunt didn't want pets
here. I get it. I don't think I'd be interested in having someone's pets
in a house I owned. You just never know. So we looked for something a
little bigger that would support our family - both two and four legged
ones. We found a great house not far from the girls' school that would
allow us to have our dog and had a pool! I think I'm most excited about
the pool. It's either that or the dishwasher. Again, with a family this
size, a dishwasher is a <span style="font-style: italic;">must have</span> item. So we're ready to move this weekend. <br /><span>I
can say that I am not dreading this move nearly as much as I have other
moves. Truthfully Doug and I haven't really moved much. We moved in
together and then to California. Not moving has been nice. I moved so
much during my first marriage that we never seemed to get settled. Now
we're only moving a few miles, staying within the girls' school district
and signing a two year lease. So this will be it for a while. I think I
might be thinking this is going to be easier than it really will be. I
haven't done any packing so far and I'm not really sure we're going to
be doing all that much anyway. The Thursday before we actually bring in
the truck and get all the big crap I'll be moving a bunch of stuff in
my Excursion. It'll be mainly clothes and bathroom and kitchen stuff.
The things we need to actually live with while we unpack and settle in. I
am really looking forward to the move. Not the work, mind you, but the
move itself. We've been here six months and it's never really felt like
ours. </span>It was a transitional stop from the beginning and that's a hard place to live. <br /><span>In
the five-plus years that Doug and I have been together we've always
been planning for something. First a wedding, then a baby, then another
baby, and then a long distance move. While we've done well and kept our
head's on it seems like we haven't had much of a chance to just <span style="font-style: italic;">be.</span>
Now we are getting that chance. To be intentionally stationary and with
no other plans other than to live our life will be something different
for me. I'm looking forward to finding out what life like that is
like. We are a busy family. With active kids and jobs that require
attention being able to relax and find stability in our surroundings is
nice. We will finally be able to fully reap the benefits that the move
here initially promised. I'll try and post pictures of the house as we
get settled. I'm excited to share the new future we're <span style="font-style: italic;">not </span>planing for. </span>Brandyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17305797281035096597noreply@blogger.com0