Friday, July 31, 2009

Maybe I need my head examined.

The other day I had someone say to me "It's OK, I understand. You have teenagers - and a baby." I kind of giggled at first and as the day progressed I was more and more amused. My current lack of personal organization and inability to get simple tasks accomplished is socially acceptable because I have a reasonable excuse for having days where it is a good thing I have preference for slip on shoes - my kids.
So, for all of you moms (and dads) out there wondering what the hell happened - feel secure in the fact that you are not alone. When you look at your spouse and ask "When did we get stupid?", it was right about the time your kids figured out you do not know everything. That is also the time they figure (or at the very least believe) that they do know everything and you're a moron. I think they're just as confused as we are how we've managed to keep them alive this long with our bumbling idiocy. I think that the very act of trying to figure out what the hell they were thinking does blow out a few parental brain cells. Add this to my current and perpetual state of sleep deprivation and its no wonder I choose not to tie my shoes. I don't need that extra thing to think about in my day when my brain is already overloaded.
I have always said that there is a limited amount of space in a person's brain. When that space is filled up there is stuff that has to go. Unfortunately for me I am pulling space from my short term memory. I can give you directions from my mom's house to my first high school (because I need that tidbit of information). But when it comes to short term memory... I'm sorry, what were we talking about?

That's OK. I have teenagers. And a baby.

Tuesday, July 21, 2009


Houses are made to be lived in. Everyone knows that a house that stands empty for too long will need repairs that a lived in house does not need. They are built for people and absorb the energy of those people. My house has a lot of energy. Partly because there are a lot of people in it, but I think more so because there are children that live here. Children bring a certain vitality to a home that you can not get in a house of adults. There always seems to be a low level hum around here. There are kids on the phone, watching TV, reading, on the computer, talking, laughing - just being - at almost any given moment. When bed time finally rolls around about 10 or so and everyone is asleep there's a hush that blankets the place. You can feel it. It's heavy and warm. If you've ever been in a house when all of the children are sleeping you know what I mean. When one or more of the kids are gone, or even all of them you can tell. There is an emptiness to the house. That emptiness is here now. Allie, Jane and Krysty are in Wisconsin visiting Kraig. Fiona is with Phil and Penny for the afternoon so that I can get caught up on some work (which I pretty much have). Doug is even gone for the week on business. The house feels empty and lonely. There is something missing. The girls' rooms sit expectantly with beds that need to be made, books on tables and desks, and shoes kicked haphazardly around. There is comfort in knowing they left it that way knowing they would be back. Knowing that they would only be gone a relatively short time and they would be back to pick up the book, make the bed and run off with friends again.
Today the house is empty and anxious. Today the missing presense of children and family is felt deeply. I miss them. I know they will be home soon but I still miss them. 34 days until they are home.
The house can wait, and so can I.

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Falling Behind

It's been brought to my attention that I have not been updating as I should. I set up this blog to keep friends and family in touch with what we have going on and I have not done a very good job with it lately. Truthfully I wanted this for myself, too. I enjoy writing and I realize that the little bits of life are the ones that fall away from memory. The big things stick but our memories are sieves and we loose the finer points. That's as it should be.
There is just not enough room for all of the information we take in each day. But the little things hold their importance, too. It's nice to be able to look back and see the things you've forgotten. Sometimes those things are not so sweet but they are still a part of your past. They are what makes each person who they are. I re-read an email that Doug sent me in December 2006 telling me how much he had enjoyed our time together. How he wasn't looking to "add water and *poof* instant family, but the thought doesn't send me running for the hills either". All of that seems like a lifetime ago - and it was. That was our lives. This is our life. These are the kinds of things I wish to preserve here. The things I need to get better at recording.
So get to the updating already! OK, OK.
School is out for the summer. There were some speed bumps early on but I think we've managed to get through them. Krystyne is starting high school in the fall. I could really do without it honestly. I'm not ready but apparently she is. This is definitely a hold your breath and jump kind of deal. Allie will be in the 7th grade and Jane in 4th. Allie is keeping up with band this year, too. She's doing really well with the trombone and has decided to try out for jazz band, too! Jane wants to play something with the 4th grade band. We'll work with Doug's dad, Phil and see what he thinks a good fit might be and what the school needs.
Jane and Allie left for Wisconsin on Saturday. They spend six weeks there in the summer with their dad. Doug and I miss them terribly when they're gone. It's always an adjustment. While I personally don't mind the distance I wish for the girls that he would move closer. At least withing driving distance. I think they would benefit.
Krystyne will be joining them for a couple of weeks. Her own preference is to not be there quite so long. She still wishes to see him, but she's a teenager (painfully so) and she has her preferences. She would rather not be there for six weeks and we've given her that choice. It's funny to only have Fiona here. I know she misses her sisters when they're not here.
Fiona is growing by leaps and bounds! She will be 8 months old soon. She is eating real food and her personality is amazing. We have been blessed that she is such a happy baby. She is pulling herself up to standing any time she can grab something that will help her - usually a sister. She doesn't have much use for crawling yet. She doesn't want to waste all that time on her belly. The last couple days though she has managed to start scooting backwards until she is stuck somehow. Yesterday it was against the wall and under her swing. She started crying when she bumped her head on her swing every time she tried to move. Today it was the side of her crib - one chubby leg stuck up to her knee between the slats. She is very interested in table food. Breakfast is usually a handfull (or two) of Cheerios. Cheerios are more fun and she gets to do it herself. I tend to ruin the fun when I'm feeding her and don't let her take control of the spoon until all the food is gone. So Cheerios give her the opportunity to learn. She's building great fine-motor skills and even learning the art of sharing. One for Fi, one on the floor for the doggies (who very much appreciate this and spend a good amount of time sitting by her durring meals). Freddy is big enough that his nose is right about tray height. I'm pretty sure if he wasn't so afraid of her (yup - he is) and would actually get close enough for her to reach she would give him food. I know this is coming so I'll have to watch out. I'm certain once he figures out she'll give him food he'll warm right up.
She is still breastfed except for the solid food she gets. I'm pretty proud of myself for that. There have been difficulties but on the whole it's been fairly easy. I count myself one of the lucky ones. It has been a wonderful experience. I wish it wasn't hindering getting pregnant again but as far as "downsides" go - that one is pretty moderate.
And yes, for those of you paying attention and keeping track we are trying for baby #5. I am a little crazy. I have always wanted a big family and I'm happy to be able to have one. Five is a lot of children but it is a chaos Doug and I both enjoy.
I'm adjusting to being a stay at home mom again. While I do work part time and from home, I still consider myself a SAHM. It's an adjustment for me after so many years but I am enjoying it. It affords me the luxury to be here for my girls as they need me - and they do. I miss some of the social interaction that I had while working. I have yet to venture into the world of play-dates and mom's groups. I'll get there. But for now I'm ok with my solitude.
Doug is loving his new job as the Market Assets Protection Manager (MAPM) at Walmart. It's a lot of work and he so far has not had a "slow" day. It's work he enjoys and is good at. There is so much that he wants to do withing the position that we will hopefully be here for a long while.
Well that's it for now. You're all caught up. I'll get better at it. I'll post more frequently and we can avoid these long explinations of what has been going on for the last couple months and maybe I can get some substance back into this thing.
Thank you all for your love, patience and interest!