Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Long Time No See

I can't believe how long it's been since I've been here. It seems that life has gotten in the way of writing about life.
We've settled into the new house - sort of. I still need to get pictures on the walls and the kitchen (more) organized but for the most part we're settled.
The girls are doing fantastic. They keep me running most days. But I love it .
Recently the older girls and I took a trip to Las Vegas to visit with my friend Daniel. It was a much needed vacation and break from routine. During dinner we had a great conversation about life and what we're doing and where we're going. What our goals are and what we're dreaming about. I mentioned something about getting a "real job" once Fiona and Georgiana are school age. We talked about what ideas I have and what I want to do. Honestly it's not really all that amazing. There's no real life-dream thing that I want to do. I felt foolish at 35 still having the "I-don't-know-what-I-want-to-do-with-my-life" conversation.  I love this blog (not that you can tell from the amount I post or anything) and I'd love to take up photography with some kind of seriousness. Baking has always been something I enjoyed and we once toyed with the idea of owning a bakery. But, for the most part, I don't have much of a Bucket List. (My Lord I'm boring!)
This conversation was something that really bothered me. I percolated in my brain for the rest of the night and well into the next day.  The thought that came back time and time again was "I have all I want". But there has to be more... Doesn't there? The more I thought about it the more I realized that no, what I have and where I am is enough. I have FIVE beautiful, healthy, and fun kids. Five. I have a husband that adores me. Even when  he shouldn't - let's be honest, I'm kind of a pain in the ass. I have a house I love (with a pool!), enough money to manage, a running vehicle, food on the table, clothes in the closet. I am able to give my kids what they need - love, attention, discipline, full bellies. I am content.
When I was growing up things were not ideal. My parents all had issues that didn't leave much room for me. At times I'm angry. At times I'm resigned. For the most part I've come to understand that my parents are human and even though I had to suffer through their mistakes it was no fault of mine. I knew early on that I did not want to make the same mistakes with my children that were made with me and I feel like I've done a pretty good job on that. Not that I haven't made mistakes. I'm far from perfect, but I feel like I've done my absolute best with my children. And the older I get and the more experience as a mother I have the better I feel about what I'm doing.
My point in this is that I had the realization that I AM doing what I love.  I am living the dream, so to speak. What I will do when the littlest girls are finally in school and I have the time and attention span for a "real job" when the time comes is still up in the air. I have ideas. I have things that I think I could do for the next 25 years. But the time for decisions is not now. Now I get to enjoy this dream "job" that I have. It's not easy, there's no days off, there's no sick-days and the pay sucks; but they benefits are nothing short of extraordinary!
I am making a point to get back here regularly to update and write and use the part of my brain that this satisfies more often. I miss it.I hope that I haven't lost both of the people that stop by to see what's going on and peek in my virtual medicine cabinet.
Remember to count your blessings and realize that you may be closer to living the dream than you think you are.

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