I've realized something. I have too much going on. I know, take a
minute to let that kind astonishing announcement sink in. It's taken me
a few days/weeks/months/years to come to that realization myself.
Things
have been difficult lately. I've felt like I've been swimming in a
mudslide. Getting the house unpacked, taking care of the girls,
figuring out my new schedule, work and desperately trying to find
something kind of hobby or outlet has left me with a ton of unfinished
projects, unpacked boxes and a disaster of a house.
Through it all I'm not able to be the kind of wife/mother/friend I want
to be. There's just not enough of me left. There's not enough of me
left for ME! I'm struggling. And I'm all the more crazy for it. I've
been trying to figure out what I can do to make this clutter in my head
disappear. I'm not handling anything well and I need to. So I decided
that I need to simplify my life. I need to just get back to basics and
stop trying to be super-mom, super-wife, super-anything. I need to just
be... simpler.
It's not as easy as it sounds but I'm working
on it a little every day. With multiple melt-downs under my belt the
last few days I've been able to see what my triggers are and hopefully
can figure out how to avoid them. Or at the very least recognize when
I'm get swallowed up whole by my life.
So I've given
up on couponing. I've been able to cut the costs of our groceries, just
by the costs associated with food here. I don't know if it's just an
ease of transport thing or what, but I'm finding groceries are much less
expensive than I was anticipating. I need to just let the coupons go
for now and concentrate on making fresh meals from in-season produce.
It'll be cheaper and healthier in the long run. Plus, I've found a Win
Co close by and that will really help, too. I'm going to be passing the
coupon-torch to a good friend who can benefit and don't feel like it's
going to waste. My chaos is benefiting another family. Can't go wrong
there!
I'm putting the craft mess away. I toyed with
the idea of starting a business with the beautiful fabric flowers I was
making. I found them relaxing and just loved creating something. But
the pressure of making the hobby into something that might actually
provide some kind of income (even as a little "extra") was becoming one
more thing I had/wanted to do that I just didn't have time for and we were all suffering because of it.
So
now it's back to basics. It's crafting one thing at a time when I can.
It's finding the best deals and finding a new way to save on meals and
groceries. It's getting back on track with a budget and trying to save
for a house. It's doing only what I can and letting the rest be.
I need to learn to let Doug help more. I need to accept that the kids don't do the job as well as I do but that they are helping and it's that much less I have to do.
I
need to take a deep breath and learn to enjoy my family again. I am
truly and deeply blessed. I know it, I just need to re-learn how to
accept it.
Be patient with me.
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