Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Things No One Told You

So I was poking around on one of my messages boards earlier and came across this thread that I thought was hilarious! It was all about the things that no one tells you about when you get pregnant. I thought I'd share these. Those of you with kids will laugh!
Some of this is quoted from Cafe Mom

  • How "gassy" you will be... The belching and the farting that would make a frat boy proud!
  • The constant need to pee
  • The inability to poop
  • Morning Sickness lasts ALL DAY - for months!
  • forgetting stuff isn't just occasional. It's kind of like having amnesia constantly about everything. Some days I was lucky to make it home from work
  • Heartburn that feels like you swallowed hot coals! And you get it from eating mashed potatoes, but the 17 jalepenos you ate didn't bother you at all!
  • Are you having twins? No. Are you sure?
  • If someone touches my belly can I touch theirs?
  • that even tho your pregnant, the weight you gain feels like it really has nothing to do with a baby growing inside of you...
  • that the first thing to visually disappear is your vagina ( the thing that actually got you into the predicament in the first place).
  • that its nearly impossible to learn anything new while pregnant because your so darn uncomfortable and your memory is shot.
  • How much faster your hair grows. All of it! Your leg hair, under arms, eyebrows, that one hair every woman gets on her chin, and your bikini line. You look like some hairy beast woman and it's only been 2 days!!
  • I knew I would pee every hour of the day but does it have to be every 20 minutes that I sleep?
  • Not being able to move or get dressed without feeling like i been kicked in the crotch a hundred times
  • Swollen ankles
  • Complete loss of coordination and balance
  • Memory Loss
  • Not being able to sleep before the baby comes
  • Looking at your loving husband sleeping soundly and wanting to punch him in the face because you're awake. Again.
  • Leg cramps
  • Acne worse than when you were 15
  • Leaky boobs
  • Leaky bladder
  • Crying at the commercials, a billboard, magazine, book, or because the dishes need to be done
  • if get a headache, and tylenol is ineffective, you are SOL.
  • that everything you put in your body, sticks, and the doctor will tell you about it. so much for freedom to eat cake.
  • Memory Loss
  • Always thirsty!!!! I can chug a whole bottle of water in less then ten seconds.
  • bitch level is at like a 10 at all times
  • That your boobs and everything else will itch like crazy
  • You are annoyed by everyone - all the time
  • everything lands on your shirt and you go around with water marks on your belly
  • You feel this bond with other prego woman and you just want to run up to them and start comparing stories but you are afriad they will think you are a creep
  • The fact that you want to kick your husband in the teeth when he's being his sweetest because it's HIS fault you feel like crap in the first place.
  • That every kick and jab your baby gives you is the most amazing thing you have ever felt.

1 comment:

Doug said...

It is illegal in the state of Washington to punch husbands in their face while they are sleeping.