Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Time to Refocus

I've been restless lately. I've been trying to figure out what's been causing it and trying to figure out how to fix it. What I've figured out is I've not been taking enough time for myself. Not just quiet coffee time or time to relax, but no time to do anything for Me.
When you're up to your eyeballs in kids and work and home and and and and... you tend to let your self get lost in the shuffle. I've decided that the time I don't take for myself is just causing more chaos. There's no time to get my head on straight. There's no focus. There's no chance to see that everything is not falling apart when I feel like I am.
I am very lucky. I have a husband who understands how important this is. When he comes home at the end of the day and all the kids are alive and well the fact that the house is a mess, dinner is still only an idea I had once goes fairly unnoticed. I've managed to pass the laundry on to him and the bulk of the chores in the house to the kids, yet I still feel like I'm not accomplishing anything in a day. Fiona is in daycare full time. Where is my focus? I should have it all together and I don't. It's been bothering me. I've struggled getting everything done. I've struggled keeping my emotions in check. I've just been locked in chaos and  trying to figure out how to get out of this spiral.
So I decided it's time to refocus my attention back on myself. We've been here for about nine months now and I really haven't made many friends. I sent email requests to some Meetup groups. Time to dive back into the Mommy-Group-Circut. While I had a really bad first experience in the setting I was able to turn it around and met some of the most amazing women. I miss my circle of friends and the comfort they provided. I enrolled everyone in the local YMCA and have only once used the facilities. It's time to kick it up a notch. I've lost a good amount of weight since we've been in California but it's time to actually get myself in shape. We have a pool and I want to be able to use it without embarrassment.  I want to be able to look at pictures of gatherings where I thought I looked awesome when I left the house and not wonder how I gained 10lbs between the house and the car!
My belief is that if I can focus more on myself then I can be a better mommy and a better wife. If I concentrate on the woman then I can more adeptly handle the tasks my family need me to. I don't believe in putting everyone's needs above my own because then they are not getting the best of me. I think every woman/mother/wife should make sure her needs are met so she is better equipped to deal with the needs of her family. And yet I'm failing to do that myself. So here I go. Head first into caring for ME. Into being better to myself. I need to figure out specific goals.
What would you do if you could? Where would your personal work-shop start? What is something important to you that you let get lost in the shuffle?

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