Then she asked about Doug and I specifically. You see, the last couple of years hasn't been the best for us. We've both had a lot of job stress and bad communication. We don't communicate the same way. Not in the way that a man and a woman sometimes don't communicate. More like the way cats and dogs don't communicate. Two different species speaking two different languages. We went to a therapist in April and he asked us about our backgrounds and previous marriages. When we were done he told us "To be honest I don't know how this works. It shouldn't. But it does.". To be honest, we're not entirely sure how it works either.
|Doug and I - Orcas Island 2006|
Insert a wedding, honeymoon, pregnancy, job changes, layoffs, financial strain and life. Blend until smooth and serve chilled. I don't know that either of us could pin-point the moment things got "hard". They just started getting harder. And harder. AND harder. Until it was getting to be too hard.
Then we moved 1200 miles. Good Lord, whose bright idea was this? And to the one place that I spent years trying to get away from surrounded by the chaos that I had worked so hard to separate myself from? Apparently I drink. Or should. The opportunity was worth it. The chance to take some of the stress and burden from my husband. To give us some time and space to breathe. Cut the workload but not the pay. It had to be worth it. Right?
For the last few months we've struggled. We've fought. I mean really fought. In ways we never have before. I was left questioning my sanity, my resolve and my marriage.
Then something started to shift. Slowly but it was happening. I didn't even see it, until one day it was just there. I realized I had my husband back. No, that wasn't quite right. I had my boyfriend back! The man that made me smile and laugh. He never took himself or anything else too seriously. He has again been the calm to my chaos. My safety. My serenity. He is the one that has taught me that the worry and the stress only bring on more worry and stress and in the end all you can do is what you can do and anything else... it'll all fall into place.
I don't know how it works, but it does. It shouldn't. But it does. I am reminded of why I married this man. I am given a glimpse of the man that whisked me away to an island where I was hit with sense of Knowing. He would always be there and we would always be together and I loved him. I married him because that feeling never diminished. Even when it did, when I was questioning it the most, it came back. I am reminded of the ebb and flow that is marriage - like the tides on that island. I have my safety and my serenity again. I can breath. I can laugh.
I love you, Doug. With all that I am and with all of my tomorrows.
And now back to our regularly scheduled chaos...