I have made the decision to have my "tubes tied". The hospital and doctor's office call it Voluntary Sterilization. Doug and I went to a class on Monday where they talked all about the different options and gave us all the information for Informed Consent. I had to fill out paperwork and then waived my 30 day waiting period. I don't need 30 days to think about it. I've been thinking about it before I got pregnant with Georgiana, and it was something Doug and I have talked about already. One more, we said.
The nurse giving the lecture said that we need to be 100% sure of what
I am doing and repeatedly stressed that this decision is mine and that
no one should be making it for me. No one is making this decision for
me. In fact, Doug would prefer to go under the knife instead of me
(bless his heart). I have made my decision and I have decided that
since I am done getting pregnant and having babies that I am the one
that needs to go in and do the sterilization. Am I 100% sure as the
nurse said? No. But I never will be. Making babies and giving birth has
been the most amazing things I have ever accomplished. I can MAKE
PEOPLE! I don't care what stupid-human-trick you have, you can't top
that one. It is an amazing thing that women can do. If I was 10 years
younger I'd have half a dozen more. But I'm not. And we'd like to retire
one day. I have five happy, healthy daughters and I am blessed. Can I
say with 100% certainty that I don't want any more babies? No. What I
can say is that my family is complete. I have an amazing husband that
is the best father any woman could ask a man to be to her children and
who loves me more than I deserve. My girls are my light and my world.
the scheduling office from the hospital called and scheduled the
procedure for next week I had to sit for a minute and process. I am
anxious. I am changing a fundamental process in my body. I am
altering the way my body functions as a woman. I will no longer be able
to create and sustain a life with my womb. There is a sadness in that.
While all women come to a point in their reproductive lives where this
happens, I am forcing the issue. This will not slowly happen over a long
period of time as I get older, instead it will be over a couple months
after a visit to my doctor.
Even now, after the decisions and
the appointment have been made there is doubt. As it stands I would be
on birth control for rest of my reproductive life trying to prevent a
pregnancy. I have no intention or desire to have another baby.
However, if I was told tomorrow I was pregnant I would be happy and
would celebrate. Being a mother and having the ability to be a mother
has been the greatest gift I have been given.
There will be sadness as well as relief. There will a bit of grief as I, with intention and forethought, close a chapter of
my life. There will also be celebration as I wait for the new
beginning that it will bring, although I'm not yet sure what that will