Our day at the Experience Music Projec

Doug and I took the girls to the Experience Music Project in Seattle today. We even bought a membership since it was only $9 more than a single day's admission. We brought along a picnic lunch to have in the grassy area before we hit the museum. I was hoping that the International Fountain would be open but it was closed for cleaning. Oh well. We sat in the grass and had a nice lunch. Just sandwiches, chips, sodas and treats but it was nice. The girls ran around and chased each other and we even managed to get Doug to do a cartwheel.
After lunch we explored the museum and had a good time. All of the kids seem to really enjoy the Sound Lab where they could play different instruments - drums, guitars, keyboards and even sing! That's where they spent the bulk of the time.
Doug's favorite part was the Science Fiction museum and we spent a while looking around there and listening to Doug say "oooooh" a lot.
My favorite part was the Jim Henson exhibit. I LOVED the Muppets as a kid. The girls were able to play with the different puppets and be part of Electric Mayhem! One thing I would like to do is to get all of the Muppet movies on DVD and even some of the Muppet shows. They were such a big part of my childhood and I'd love to share them with the girls. I think they'd enjoy them. I was even able to get a copy of The Monster at the End of this Book. It was my favorite book when I was a kid. I remember reading it over and over. I can't wait to read it to Fiona. I know I read it to the other kids dozens of times.
All in all a pretty good day.

Just because you're alone doesn't mean you're invisible

Folks, let's just keep this little tidbit in our minds.
Since they're doing construction on the south bound side of 410 and have closed the right lane causing a bit of a delay. This leaves time to notice the people waiting to make a left turn on the north bound side. I had the thought yesterday that perhaps the people on the north bound side were not used to the people in the south bound lanes being able to see them - or they're going too fast to register what ever it is that is going on inside the cars of the people heading the other direction. People do weird crap when they think no one is looking. Especially if they're alone. Even more so in their cars. Helpful hint - Cars have windows to see out of - this also means that people can see in to whatever it is you're doing in there.
Here's the thing... No one pays attention to the other drivers while on the road. "But wait!" you say. Think about the words for just a second. Yes, the majority of people pay attention to the other cars but not the other drivers! This can be a lot of fun and rather entertaining as I found out. While I'm not sure why the lady in the blue Camry had her mouth open like that, what the girl in the Escort was looking for in the back seat or what the passenger of the truck was quite so emphatic about while resting his feet on the dash (although apparently it did amuse the hell out of the driver) - I am sure that it amused me to make up stuff about them. I spent the rest of my time out running errands doing this and if you have a sense of humor like I do - which many of you do, that's why we're friends - you can imagine how fun(ny) this was.
I think next time Doug and I are in the car together I'll try to get him to play along.

So next time you're out driving by yourself you may want to keep in mind that there are other people that see what you're doing.
And they're laughing about it.

The Joy of Being Mom

It's been a while since I've updated. I guess I've just been busy being and haven't really stopped lately to reflect and I can tell the difference. Mother's Day was wonderful and has had me reflecting lately on how much I am enjoying my role as a mother. There were times when I it was not at the top of my list of the most fun I've ever had. When you are having enough trouble with yourself it is hard to take on the role of caring for others. More and more often these days I find myself relishing in this part of who I am.
With the wide range of ages of the girls it can sometimes be hard to get my barrings. It's hard not to feel like you're on a rollercoaster when you're trying to seriously explain the need to "wait until you're really ready" while changing a diaper and being cooed at.
I was wondering the house earlier trying to entertain Fi and just took in my surroundings. Such a wonderful, hectic, fulfilling life I lead! How blessed I am!
As my husband left this morning looking handsome in his tie I had to chuckle to myself since I was excited I had already managed to get my teeth brushed and it was only 7:30! Here it is now 11 and I'm still kicking around what is basically my jammies. So for today a pony tail is the same as a shower (I was lucky enough to get 45 minutes for a bath last night!). Luckily the warmer weather makes this a little more fashionable.
The house is basically clean. Sure there's laundry to be done. There's 6 people in this house - there's always laundry to be done. But the diapers are clean. The floors were vacuumed yesterday (you can tell because the vacuum is still sitting where Krysty stopped and unplugged it). I've done a good enough amount of work for the morning. I've updated my facebook and the older girls are off to school. I think it's time to go enjoy the sunshine. Fiona has decided today is a short-nap-only day and is currently trying to entice the bulldog with a series of squeals and raspberries to come close enough to grab.
I'll put air in the tires of the jogging stroller, grab a Diet Coke and see if I can't find a dress I like for our anniversary. Maybe I'll even grab my ipod and go for a walk.

Life is good.

I am blessed!

As Mother's Day approaches I have been thinking about how blessed I am to be one of the many women celebrated on this day.
Even as I sit here I can smell the lilies in the flowers my husband had delivered yesterday. The card said "For the mother of my children and the love of my life." The arrangement is beautiful.
I am blessed to have four amazing, beautiful, challenging daughters. We are dealing with boys and budding individuality. There is trying to find your place among so many and developing personalities. We have clashing desires and an ever shifting dynamic. The phone rings constantly, I can rarely find my hair dryer and there is almost always someone in a bathroom. They argue over who gets to hold the baby and whose turn it is to get time with Mom.
I have found a quiet joy in breastfeeding. While I sometimes sigh at the need to stop what I'm doing because of Fiona's demanding cries - I find it fills my heart to near bursting every time I do it. It is the magic touch to calming a crying baby. And it soothes my frayed nerves even when I am busy and would rather be doing anything else. Knowing that I am nourishing her and providing her with comfort and love with my body is amazing. Looking at the little person there is awe inspiring. I love sitting in a chair and watching her nurse. She watches me too. Big blue eyes staring at me, one hand trying to grab my hair or my shirt, little legs kicking contently. Life is good.
I should be doing homework right now. But the sounds of life going on around me is a bit distracting. Girls are talking, the TV is one, the baby is cooing, and Doug is out mowing the lawn. Straight lines in the lawn means he loves me. Circles are extra special. Today I get circles.

Jumpa Jumpa!

It's been a while since I've updated and I have oh so much to update but no time! I thought I would just share this for now while I get my stuff in order.
This is Fiona jumping in her jumper. She loves this thing!

Faced with the past

Boy what an interesting week. I've been tossing this around my head for a number of days now and am still having difficulty with it. The decision to post it here is mainly a therapeutic one. Writing puts my head together, gets my thoughts in order. If ever I needed orderly thoughts!
I finally got in touch with Ken - Krystyne's biological father. Well, more accurately he got in touch with me. I knew who it was right away. There are people in your life that you forget, and there are people that you never, ever will, no matter how much time passes. Ken (for obvious reasons) falls into that category for me. We had a great conversation and he agreed that he would sign the paperwork needed by the attorney for Doug to adopt Krysty. That is just so wonderful. I'm excited for Doug and Krysty. I'm excited for what that means to us as a family. I was not prepared for what happened next - he wants to get to know her and be in her life. AMEN! HALLELUJAH!! Wait! What?!?! Sure, of course, absolutely. She can only, you both can only, benefit from knowing each other. Oh hell.
I was not prepared for the emotional backlash this would have for me. We've talked a few more times and he tells me I've opened up a whole can of worms here. He's got people to tell about this and things to explain. He faces answering questions that he's never had to answer before. I've told him I don't blame him, I've never really been angry with him. I understood his reasoning when I first got pregnant. We were young. We weren't ready - but I had a different decision to make than he did. I do not fault him for the choice he made. We all choose our own paths and that was where our path together forked. I was young and emotional and pregnant. I cried. A lot. But, I had to stand my ground in the decision I made. I shut the door on thoughts of him. Shut it, barred it, pulled a dresser in front of it and tossed away the key. Ken became this abstract thought. A fact but nothing more. Krystyne's biological father was someone I dated for a while when I was young, I got pregnant, we didn't stay together, I moved on. No, I don't talk to him and I'm not really sure where he lives. I hope he's doing well, I wish him the best, I'm thankful for the beautiful gift he gave to me. Let's move on. That is how it has been for 14 years.
And now it's different.
Shit.
We talk and it's easy. There is the underlying trying to figure out what comes next in this whole thing, but it's easy. I remember why we got along so well 15 years ago. I remember that we used to talk for hours. We had fun together and genuinely enjoyed each other's company. I've always remembered him fondly. The weird part of it is that there is this tangible other person that shares those memories. He's no longer abstract. He's real again. And he wants to talk to my daughter. His daughter. Oh holy hell.
When you connect up with an ex after a lifetime it's usually fleeting. You find each other on facebook, run into each other at a reunion or in your hometown mall. You catch up. Maybe you tell some friends "hey you'll never guess who I caught up with". If you're lucky you smile a bit at the time you had. You move on. What doesn't happen is you suddenly realize that you have a lifetime connection with this person. They are suddenly now, and will always be a part of your life. That doesn't happen! Oh wait, apparently it does.
Maybe I'm being selfish here. I know I'm being selfish here. This is a big deal for Krysty. I honestly had not thought about the "what if he wants to know her?" question. I got that a lot. It was easy. Sure, he should, that would be great for them. Doug asked me if I wasn't really expecting this. Wasn't I prepared for this? Well, no. In theory it's great that he wants to be in her life but I never ever expected it. It was best case scenario. Now I am faced with what that means. They talked for about 30 minutes on Sunday and she was thrilled. He sent some pictures and she smiled at them. A huge smile that mirrored the one she was looking at. Wow. This is real. This is happening. He exists. I'm happy for them.
We'll work this out. We'll figure all the ins and outs and subtleties of this new relationship between the three of us. Slowly, we will include everyone else that this affects. The quirks of this are what they are.
I just have to remember to breathe.

Wait... I paid for this??

I've finally made the commitment to do something about all the "left-over" baby weight. I've been talking about it for months. Since before Fiona was even born. Up until now I haven't really done anything proactive about it. I've whined and sulked and had another cupcake - but I haven't made any real effort to change how I look. I've never really had to worry about my weight. I've always been one of the fortunate few with a fantastic metabolism and good genetics. My body seems to know what size it is supposed to be and it stays that way. Something changed. I think it was turning 30. But now all this stubborn belly weight is hanging on. My clothes don't fit. My shape is not one I am happy to see in the mirror. I think this is some kind of bad karmic joke. I am finally happy in my own skin. My body was one I was proud of and I was comfortable with how I looked. I had my moments, but for the most part was confident. Apparently the universe feels that I have to earn that contentment.
I joined a gym. Sort of. It is a gym but not in the sense that you normally think. There are no machines. No treadmills and ellipticals, no weight machines that no one really knows how to use anyway. Well, I don't know how to use. They have a program called Cross Fit. I tried it out for the first time today and I have never had such an intense and difficult workout. I worked harder than I thought I could and used nothing more than my own body weight and a couple of bars. No machines or treadmills. I thought I was going to pass out. I was lucky I didn't throw up. And honestly I can't wait to go back! It's more expensive than a regular gym membership but cheaper than working with a personal trainer and works out to less than a latte a day. I just haven't figured out how to convince Doug that this is something we should splurge on. I'm going to go take some ibuprofen and try not to stiffen any more.